It’s the age old story. You take a job, you’re not allowed to tell anyone your name, you’re part of a small team of anonymous skilled criminals who each play an important cog in the machine, and then, well, invariably, things go horribly wrong and people start dying. We’ve all been there, right? Right?
But that’s the setup for the 2024 genre-bending horror-heist film Abigail. When they show up to kidnap their target, they realize that it’s just a little girl dancing through Swan Lake and one of them protests. But a job is a job and we all do them because they pay money and this particular job is meant to pay a cool $7 million each for our merry band of kidnappers. They take her to an isolated mansion in the woods to hold her until the ransom is paid, an optimistic 24 hour job. It’s not exactly a cabin, but you get the idea.
The man who arranged the job is Lambert, played by Giancarlo Esposito (Better Call Saul, The Boys), and he names them all after members of the Rat Pack before taking their phones to a secure location so they can’t be tracked. You see, real names and back stories are strictly off limits and only Joey is allowed to interact with Abigail, to minimize their exposure. Our main characters here are Joey, played by Melissa Barrera (Scream 2022, In the Heights) and Frank, played by one of my favorite actors Dan Stevens (Downton Abbey, The Guest). Despite all their warnings about backstories, they can’t help but play a game when Dean, played by the late Angus Cloud (Euphoria, The Garfield Movie), decides he can read everyone easily, as a misguided ploy to win over the temporary affection of Sammy, played by Kathryn Newton (Detective Pikachu, Big Little Lies). Turns out that Dean is as wrong as he is dim-witted and Joey is the one who can really read people, including the muscle Peter, played by Kevin Durand (3:10 to Yuma, Smokin’ Aces) and former Marine Rickles, played by William Catlett (A Thousand and One). Not exactly a team-building exercise, they end up more at odds after than before. The Avengers they ain’t.
And then a body drops. One of the kidnappers of course. And it’s properly gruesome too, leaving the victim in pieces. It’s at this point they discover that Abigail’s father isn’t just some tech billionaire or some penguin who has to take off the tuxedo Succession character; he’s Kristof Lazar, a Keyser Soze style urban legend of an underworld crime boss and this strikes fear into all their hearts. The last thing you want to hear is that the person you just wronged is the most dangerous person you can think of. They argue over whether to leave, but it turns out to be irrelevant. The house is a fortress and they’re stuck.
Normally, I’d play a little hide the ball here with the reveal, but if you navigate yourself to Peacock to watch this, where it exclusively streams, the blurb will tell you all this right away, so here we go. Abigail isn’t the innocent little ballerina you think she is. She’s a vampire. The movie would be better if you didn’t know this going in, but it’s unavoidable, so there it is. She’s not locked in with them, they’re locked in with her. And it’s playtime for this perpetual adolescent. Our pack of rats quickly learn they’re in over their heads and that Twilight is not the playbook they’re going to need to survive the night. Cut off, locked in, with the embodiment of certain death waiting for them inside and the specter of a nigh mythological underworld figure lurking on the outside, the kidnappers are in serious trouble.
If, at this point, you’re thinking “This sounds like Alien meets The Usual Suspects”, then you’d be pretty much right. It’s reductive, of course, but if I had to describe this movie in one sentence, that’s exactly what I’d say. A ragtag group in complete isolation comes against an unknown monster that they are in no way prepared to deal with. Lambert even seems to be a reference to Veronica Cartwright’s character in Alien and Lazar is completely Keyser Soze coded. I really, really wish that the movie hadn’t been marketed the way it was and I wish I didn’t feel like I had to tell you that Abigail is a vampire, because that would have been such a great reveal. Yes, going back and watching it again, I noticed a few things I didn’t catch the first time. Like how Abigail’s questions to Joey aren’t the typical ones you’d expect a scared 12-year-old to ask; she wants to know about Joey’s son and what kinds of things he’s into before proclaiming that she doesn’t know much about kid stuff. If it weren’t literally in the blurb about the movie, that would have been a huge clue that Abigail isn’t exactly what she appeared to be, but since you’re going into the movie knowing it, it does take a little weight out of the reveal. That said, this is still a wildly entertaining movie. After all, knowing that the movie Alien is about an alien going in doesn’t stop that movie from being one of the all-time horror classics and one of the best movies of all time. Sometimes being just exactly what’s written on the tin isn’t such a bad thing if you can execute everything as well as Abigail does.
Once we get into the second act of the film, the pace is absolutely frenetic. There’s hardly a moment to breathe until the third act, which helps the protagonists’ desperation permeate the film. They move so fast, making terrible decision after terrible decision, while trying to piece together works of fiction to figure out a way to combat the pint-size neck-biter. I’ve heard some criticism about the movie along these lines. The characters make stupid decisions, often making the same mistake twice (plan after plan requires them to split up, which is not a great idea when you’re the thing being killed in the kill box, but people in horror movies keep doing it). The reward is too good to be true—$7 million for a quick, one night ransom? Insistence that the job will only take 24 hours to complete. But you need these; not just for the movie to happen, but they also work diegetically. All these people are desperate for one reason or another and dangling the $7 million carrot is just too much for anyone in just about any situation to walk away from. And for one night of unpleasantness only? I’ve had worse experiences for less reward (that’s probably an exaggeration, but I did once go to see a Chris Kattan movie in the theaters, so you tell me). You’re talking about a group of people who are in this position because they need the money and you’re also talking about people who are largely crime film stock characters. The hired muscle, the hacker, the wheelman, the lookout, the back alley doctor, the disgraced cop; these are not people who are being presented as the best and the brightest. If Abigail is revealed to be a vampire and all of a sudden a bunch of career criminals turned into Buffy season 2, then, well, the narrative wouldn’t work at all. And that takes me into the other point as well—of course they make bad decisions; if they made good ones, they would be like the other 8 billion people not locked in that mansion. These characters are not meant to be at the top of their field; they’re average, or, in some cases, kind of stupid.
And it is that stupidity that leads to the comic relief in this movie quite often. Kevin Durand’s Peter in particular plays this goofy, likable big guy very well (he also plays the exact opposite—but still big—very well) and he is a source of a lot of the laughs here. Sometimes with his outlandish comments and sometimes he’s the butt of the joke. While there are a lot of comedic moments and I got a lot of laughs out of it, but I wouldn’t strictly call this a horror-comedy. The way the story plays out and resolves doesn’t really fit a comedy structure, but you will get laughs along the way. And while it’s definitely in the horror genre with the fantasy monster and the gore, it doesn’t really ever fill you with dread because knowing what Abigail’s nature going into it relieves a lot of the tension in the first act because her reveal is a known inevitability. It’s definitely a crime film as well; I could have fit this in when I did my crime block back in April and it wouldn’t have felt out of place. But it is this seamless blending of horror, comedy, and crime that makes Abigail so compelling to watch. There are characters to root for, Joey in particular. She shares a tender moment with Abigail, promising to keep her safe from harm, and that endears you to Joey. That even though she’s on the line here kidnapping this kid, she isn’t happy about it. It’s the desperation that put her there; she doesn’t want anyone to get hurt, least of all the kid. Others are less concerned about her safety than she is, that’s for sure. But the story here isn’t the main star; it’s all in the performances. Melissa Barrera, veteran of the Scream franchise (from the same directors as Abigail), does so well here. Her character is easy to get behind and Barrera’s performance is really kind of flawless. Yes, I’ve said before that not having familiarity with an actor makes it easier to lose them in a character and it’s true I don’t know Barrera’s work. But I am very familiar with Dan Stevens’s work. I go out of my way to watch Dan Stevens movies. I suffered through Godzilla x Kong because of him. In nearly every imaginary fan cast I do when I’m daydreaming, I find a way to sneak Dan Stevens into a leading role. And yet I also lost him in Frank. The rest of the cast does a great job as well, albeit with less meaty roles than Barrera and Stevens.
I should take a moment to note the gore. I mentioned it earlier, but I don’t want to downplay this. It’s not particularly gruesome, if that’s something bothers you. You’re likely to see more explicit gore in an episode of The Walking Dead, if for some reason you’re still watching that, but this movie is very bloody. I’m talking about huge explosions of blood, pools of blood, I’m talking that scene from The Shining levels of blood. Because of the fantasy nature of vampires, I wouldn’t think it would be particularly upsetting to people, but I would be remiss if I didn’t mention it because it certainly earns its R rating. This is very much a splatterfest once things get going, so if that’s up your alley, you’re going to be in for a good time.
Actually, even if it isn’t specifically your thing, you’re probably still in for a good time. Because, amid all the felonies and the claret being spilled left and right and the exploding bodies, there’s a really fun time to be had here. It’s just such a competently done movie that doesn’t strive to be anything more than it is. There are some moments of depth where they touch on the meaning and weight parenthood and choices, but, really, it’s more a mechanic to make you care about the characters than a deep meaning to the film’s narrative. It’s not fluff either, but it’s absolutely the kind of movie you can sit down and watch and just enjoy. It’s a genre film, though which genre I’m not entirely sure, and it’s well-executed. It reminded me of the first time I watched John Wick, thinking it would be preposterous and straightforward. And even though it was, I had a fantastic time watching that movie. Not every movie needs to shake you to your core or make you question the nature of your existence; I don’t want it to come across like I need every film to pry at the darkest nailed down doors in my heart and soul for me to think it’s great. Because sometimes you do just need some freaky, scary fun, some frights and some thrills, and Abigail delivers that in spades. It felt like a spiritual successor to movies like Fright Night, which blend genres together, while still delivering on the promise of each genre. It has its flaws; at 1 hour, 49 minutes, it could have economized its time a little better, with the third act dragging on a bit. And the major flaw was the marketing. I mean, they show Abigail covered in blood on the poster of the movie! Why give away that twist for free? It would be like having Bruce Willis clutching a gunshot wound on the poster of The Sixth Sense.
But despite these minor missteps, Abigail is the kind of movie that is really easy to like, fun to watch, and the kind of thing you want to share with others, doing the opposite of what I’m doing here. Tell your friends or your partner or whomever that you want them to see this movie and then don’t tell them another thing. Queue up the film on Peacock (or if you live near the last Blockbuster, pop in the Blu-Ray) while they’re out of the room so they never seen the poster or the blurb, and just enjoy the ride.
