Blinded by the Fight

Criminals in office, using the power of the government to further their own corrupt dealings while espousing the return of the rule of law.  A fiercely divided, yet passionately disconnected and uninformed populace who rolls the dice on an “interesting” candidate.  Fear of crime gripping the people who are being sold a simple narrative of easy fixes.  A police force unaccountable for its violence, wearing Punisher skulls when the character who inspires their state-sanctioned vigilantism would remorselessly and ruthlessly turn on them for their lawless actions.  No, I’m not talking about the news.  I’m talking about Daredevil: Born Again.  Let’s dip one more time into the Disney+ well with their follow-up to the excellent Netflix series (now available on the mouse’s streaming platform alongside Born Again) from 2015 that picks up right where it left off, with the ten years between the series passing seamlessly and putting our sightless hero right in the middle of an all-too-real New York City.  The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen is back and the reality of it is terrifying.

Daredevil, if you’re unfamiliar with the background of Marvel’s street level superhero, is a lawyer who was blinded by chemicals in an accident as a young boy trying to save an old man from certain death, resulting in his remaining senses being heightened to the point that they more than make up for his loss of sight.  A conflicted Catholic, he goes to law school and at some point, when he finds that the law isn’t always enough to protect the innocent, he decides to put on a mask and make up some of the difference.  I’ve been a fan of Daredevil since I was young; I wonder now whether I love Daredevil because I became a lawyer or if I became a lawyer partly because I love Daredevil—what an interesting ouroboros I’ve stumbled upon (shoutout to Atticus Finch, though).  He was always one of my favorites and the original series came out when I was a 1L, so I was thrilled that it was really good.  And now that it’s returned after a long hiatus, I can say confidently that it really hasn’t missed a beat.  Born Again is as adept at fluctuating between frenetic, dynamic action in tight spaces and quiet, contemplative considerations of the meaning of justice as it was before and it is just as compelling.  I had my doubts; Disney+ series have been iffy (I will never forgive Disney for turning Matt Fraction’s award winning Hawkeye run into a long form Christmas movie), with Marvel serving up a fair few more misses than hits, but like Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, Born Again is a true delight, as well as a real continuation of the original series.  Not a reboot, not a reimagining like Friendly Neighborhood, but a real sequel.

I am going to talk about the specifics of Born Again as little as possible—the show starts off with serious implications to the series and I can’t even talk about the first scene without spoiling it for you.  So I’m going to avoid that, because you deserve to experience this show without it being spoiled.  But, other than some hokey looking CGI (which thankfully hasn’t returned), that kinetic visual style to the action is back—the hallway fight scene from the first season of Daredevil is still probably the best hand to hand action sequence I’ve ever seen—and it hits just as hard as it did in 2015.  Charlie Cox is his excellent self.  I’ve been impressed with his performance as both Matt Murdock and Daredevil since day one; he’s basically exactly how I envisioned a live action Daredevil would look, act, and sound.  I’m just so in love with this series and this character and his sense of justice and his internal torment, I am constantly impressed by where this show chooses to go.  One of the strongest touches in the action sequences of both the original series and Born Again is that Daredevil isn’t untouchable.  He’s not the god of thunder, he’s not an invincible, gamma-irradiated, rage-fueled behemoth, he’s not even a billionaire in a nigh indestructible power suit.  He throws his punches, he gets hit, he has to catch his breath, he falls down, he gets knocked down—but he always gets up again, because that’s what we need him to do.  That’s what the people he saves needs him to do.

We open on the sounds of the city; sirens just on the edge of earshot, the traffic, car horns, the general din of pedestrians and vibrant city life.  I may not be from New York, but I know it well, living in a major city myself, and it has that cold comfort to it—I always say I can’t sleep without the sound of sirens in the distance—and it puts us right back in the Hell’s Kitchen streets that we know and love from the original series.  The place has changed, of course, as our heroes reminisce over the fleabags and dives that have since then turned into corporate gyms, letting us know that time has indeed passed.  It may be a small establishing shot, but it means the world to the reality of Daredevil, the place where the steel and cement became nature, and the show quickly explains to us that Matt Murdock has since left behind the mantle of Daredevil.  It was a life that he wanted to leave in the past, and after everything he’s been through, I don’t blame him.  He leaves the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen in the rearview, hoping to let the system be the one that doles out justice and to do everything in his power as a really good lawyer to guide our blind balance-holder to the right decisions.

But as dirty cops turn into murderers and the newly-elected mayor becomes the biggest criminal that perhaps New York has ever seen, Matt has no choice but to turn to violence.  When the system is against you, when it is used to subvert the justice for which it once stood, what other option does he have?  Matt has the power and the ability to make a difference, he just needs the will.  This brings up his dilemma once again, this time without his friend and confidant Father Lantom to lean on and the conflict burns within him like the world on fire that he sees and in which he lives.  Turning your back on a life of extrajudicial violence—vigilantism, in other words—that puts the people you care about in harm’s way, that makes sense.  I can understand why Matt wants to put the Devil behind him.  But when everyone, including your loved ones, are in danger anyway, when does standing by and letting it happen make you complicit?  The law is inherently retroactive; it steps in to try right wrongs that have already been committed and restore the wronged, but it’s unable to stop ongoing wrongdoing.  The law can put a murderer in prison, but it can’t bring the victim back to life.  If someone were stop it from happening, to interrupt the crime in progress, then there is a much less egregious wrong for the law to attempt to restore.  When do you have to change your approach because it’s in your power to do so?  At what point does a person working within a broken system, with the ones in power working against them for their own benefit, need to step outside of that system?  Yes, vigilantism is a complicated and tricky subject and I would never endorse it in real life, but the series isn’t an endorsement of it either.  The depiction here of vigilantes is also complicated and tricky, with a new hero on the block and our old friend the Punisher leaving his stamp on the people in different ways.  Dirty cops who once worked to put Frank Castle behind bars now proudly display the Punisher skull on their walls and even tattooed on their skin (in a “What do you mean Homelander is the bad guy?” level of misunderstanding of Punisher’s merciless approach to justice—they’d just as soon show him their tattoo as find the loud end of his gun pointed right at them) and are more than happy to exercise the free reign that the new mayor allows them, in a form of legalized gang violence.

In a stunning turn of empathy, stories of regular people are told, allowing us to hear about the times a vigilante came to their rescue; the family in a burning car, the woman walking at home at night about to face the kind of violence that far too many women face on a regular basis, even a police officer whose own report states that he’s only alive because a vigilante intervened.  This is what makes superhero stories so great.  It’s not about saving the world from existential crises or who can punch Thanos the hardest before he finishes bedazzling his shiny glove.  It’s about who will stand up in the time of need for the person on the street.  Who will be the one who steps in when the undefended are forced to face those willing to do the indefensible and stop it from happening?  Who will step up to the protect the people who can’t protect themselves?  I spoke before about the importance of street level heroes and why their stories are so much more impactful and Born Again leans heavily into this.  Heroes like Daredevil don a mask and punch their way through the villains who threaten the lives of the innocent, everyday people who are powerless and would be forgotten moments after they become a headline as a reminder that we can do it too.  Not by doing the same, not by donning a mask and taking the law into our own hands, but by standing with each other and for each other, arm in arm and shoulder to shoulder.  They are a reminder that it doesn’t take superpowers to be a hero.  That our words and our actions have consequences and that the time we have, no matter what your beliefs or belief systems are, is meaningful and the lives we touch matter.  This is the best of superhero storytelling.  This is a superhero narrative at the highest level.  This is a reflection of us and our society in art that looks like a comic book come to life.  It’s a lesson in empathy disguised as a beat ‘em up about a guy in a costume.  It’s everything I want a superhero story to be.

We are just three episodes into Daredevil: Born Again, which airs Tuesday nights on Disney+, but I am already certain that this is a worthy successor to the best series that Netflix and the MCU have ever produced.  If you have seen the original series, watch this.  If you haven’t, watch that and then watch this.  With this installment, Daredevil, inclusive of Born Again and the original series, has the potential to be the best property in the MCU outside Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Civil War.  And in the world we live in now, I could not be happier that we have Daredevil back gracing our screens.  Because, as Matt once said, the Murdock boys have the devil in them; and if this is what the devil stands for, then I hope we all have the devil in us too.

The Perks of Being a Wallcrawler

I have a well documented love for Spider-Man.  I’m a big fan of the webslinger from Queens and I have been for as long as I can remember.  Even in 2023, the year of Baldur’s Gate, I chose Spider-Man 2 as my game of the year, I connected so deeply with it.  Many of my childhood Saturday mornings were spent watching Spider-Man cartoons alongside Batman and X-Men.  So I was pretty excited when I found out that Disney+ was making a new Spider-Man animated series.

Cautiously excited.  Disney+ series have been a little hit or miss in the Star Wars space and very hit or miss in the Marvel space (with more misses than hits, in my opinion), and with the MCU kind of in a state of storytelling shambles, I didn’t know what to expect.  Despite the fact Spider-Man: No Way Home was a miss for me, the games and the Spider-Verse movies kept the fire burning for our plucky thwipper, but caution was still the watchword of the day.

And I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised by Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man.  The show plays with some of the origins of Peter Parker and his friends in a fairly refreshing way—this time instead of a radioactive spider biting him while on a field trip, an interdimensional radioactive spider bites him when a Dr. Strange portal opens up on his first day of school and a Venom creature and the doctor himself duke it out.  As the portal closes, the 8 legged plot device drops from its web and gets Peter right on the back of the neck.  It’s a pretty cool opening sequence with some good action and a glimpse of the kind of hero that Peter could be.  When the Venom creature goes to attack someone while Strange is preoccupied, Peter steps up to distract it.  There wasn’t much of a plan, but his heroic instinct was irrepressible, as was his lack of forethought, which speaks to his improvisational style as a costumed hero.  I always love to see this kind of behavior in a character before they get their powers, like Steve Rogers wanting to stick up for people even before he got his serum in The First Avenger.  Doesn’t matter that he knows he’s going to get beaten senseless, he’s going to do the right thing.  It shows that the hero was in them all along and it’s not the powers that made them heroic.

The show subverts some expectations, but sticks fairly close to the MCU formula while not being strictly part of the MCU.  It’s definitely MCU adjacent, as the events of the Avengers films are referenced and the film squarely takes place during and around the events of Captain America: Civil War.  But obviously, Spider-Man was in those movies, so this is an alternate telling of his story.  The depiction of Peter here is fairly close to Tom Holland, his appearance and mannerisms remind me of the big screen wall crawler for sure.  That has its pros and cons—the movies take Spider-Man to very high levels, end of the world stuff, and elevate his status as a street level hero to a global hero, which was always kind of a strange vibe for me.  The Spider-Man I know swings around stopping muggings and murders, not fighting aliens on distant planets.  I’m sure he does that too, with the way comics work, but I don’t need Spider-Man to be fighting the end of the world everyday.  After all, saving millions starts with saving one life, and Friendly Neighborhood never really forgets that, keeping Spidey more down to earth, letting him be the quipping, fast talking, street level hero he used to be.  In other words, it never forgets the “neighborhood” part of “Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man”.  The action in the show is genuinely exciting, utilizing Spider-Man’s ability to cover distances quickly and change directions in tight spaces, and he uses his webs to engage in environmental combat (at one point, he webs up a brick about to be used as a weapon against him and fully domes his attacker in a way that would most definitely kill him graveyard dead if it weren’t a cartoon).  It’s so much fun to watch, it’s almost as fun as the combat in the Spider-Man games.  It’s funny too, with Spidey telling his jokes to people who most definitely aren’t in the mood to laugh, but instead of being purposely cringeworthy, it’s an added layer of comedy when they don’t land, because most of his quips are pretty good.  And there’s a fun little montage where Peter goes through different versions of the Spidey suit, which I thoroughly enjoyed (I absolutely love his blue and white one, too; classic red and blue is great, but I love a costume variant).

Friendly Neighborhood has some room to breathe as well, letting the characters grow—the side characters don’t feel like afterthoughts; they’re fully realized people with their own concerns, their own problems, and their own unique personalities.  It took me a few episodes, but I found myself emotionally invested in their stories as well, not just Peter’s. Pete’s got a lot of problems—not least juggling life as a high school student and a superhero in the most dangerous after-school program I’ve ever seen (and I thought lugging my saxophone to and from school had its risks), but also his crush is dating the captain of the football team, who then becomes Peter’s lab partner and is an extremely good dude.  So neither you nor Peter can actually hate him, even though he stands in the way of Pete’s romantic endeavors.  However, I will say that I continue to find it very strange that Disney and the MCU are so scared of Mary Jane Watson.  Sure, we got Zendaya’s great depiction of MJ in the films, but MCU MJ is explicitly a different character from the lore Mary Jane we’re used to seeing.  I’m happy to have new characters, of course, but I feel like Peter and Mary Jane’s relationship is so key to his character, I’m missing it.  Their personal ups and downs in the games are very compelling and keep you invested in them as people.  I hope the show sticks around long enough to introduce her.

And on the topic of characters, there are a lot—a lot—of Easter eggs here and references to other characters in Marvel Comics that are at least adjacent to Spider-Man.  We even get a glimpse of Luna Snow in selfie with Harry Osborn, which was a treat; she’s been a background character almost since her introduction, so it would be nice to see more of her considering how popular she is in Rivals.  I know, I’ve said before “hey, I recognize that thing from that other thing!” isn’t a feeling that’s enough for me anymore, but Friendly Neighborhood is different.  For one, many of the inclusions are deep, deep cuts that I’ve never heard of before, and yet there’s no winking.  It wasn’t until I listened to a podcast about the show that I even realized they weren’t mostly original characters.  And I’m fine with that.  Friendly Neighborhood doesn’t require you to be intimately familiar with the ins and outs of Marvel lore to enjoy it.  And the cameos from characters you do know (which I won’t spoil for you) aren’t just drop-ins or drive-bys, they make sense from a narrative perspective.  After all, since everything in the world is based in New York, it makes sense that they’d at least run into each other every once in a while and sometimes crime fighters will go up against the same crime.

The animation here is really interesting.  It’s got a bit of a cell shaded, vintage comic book look, mixed with a bit of Archer, but luckily, I don’t expect Peter to pull a gun out of his suit.  There is clear Spider-Verse influence in the way the action unfolds, but not in the animation.  It’s good that they’re trying to do their own thing—Spider-Verse was groundbreaking and massively influential, leading to other great animated films like Puss in Boots: The Last Wish and The Bad Guys playing with animation styles.  But Friendly Neighborhood isn’t trying to copy that style, thankfully.  Having that more modernized comic book look to the animation definitely adds to the aesthetic appeal of the show, with the title card being a reference to Spider-Man’s first appearance in Amazing Fantasy #15.  There are even moments where the screen is divided into sections strongly reminiscent of comic book panels.

Gone is the traditional Spidey jingle, this time replaced with a referential hip-hip song that updates the sound of the show—after Into the Spider-Verse’s bespoke hip-hop soundtrack, it’s really nice to hear something different in franchises from long-running IPs.  There’s only so much classic rock that you can pump into every property before it turns into a cliche and we hit that moment years ago.  However, there are issues there that get to me a little.  There’s the theme song, sure, but it’s hardly a musical motif; the rest of the show is largely divorced from the theme.  And we’re talking about a show set in the home of El-P and the Wu-Tang Clan.  I would have loved to have more of a throughline from the theme song to the score of the show, but it’s been just about nonexistent.  Now, the show has made great strides in representation, for the most part, but I would have liked to hear more of the music of the city.  After all, New York without rap music and minorities is, well, Friends.  And that’s not realistic at all.

On the topic of representation, there are some issues that have been raised.  I’m never one to have a problem with race or gender switching—in fact, I think it’s great, especially for characters created long ago when things like representation weren’t issues in the public consciousness, and possibly would have been a hindrance to acceptance of the media (oh my, how times haven’t changed), but I have noticed that a lot of the characters who have been race- or gender-swapped happen to be villains.  Norman and Harry Osborn are now Black, so is the now lady Dr. Connors.  Now, I know a lot of these characters have complicated arcs and are sometime allies of Spider-Man as the stories progress and it is good to have the representation, but am I in the wrong for wanting more?  There’s great diversity in the supporting cast, with Peter’s crush Pearl and his best friend Nico being Asian (with Nico being, in the Disney tradition, quietly queer, but in a way they can easily cut for certain markets), as well as more diversity when he gets to meet some other young, bright minds (including a young woman from Wakanda and Amadeus Cho).  I just can’t fathom, for any reason barring legal issues to which I’m not privy, why this isn’t a Miles Morales story.  Miles is such a great character in every piece of media I’ve seen him—from the expansion to Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2, where they set him up to be the focus of the game series moving forward, to the aforementioned and excellent Spider-Verse films.

I appreciate the changes they’re making and the small twists to Peter’s story and I love Peter Parker—he’s been my Spider-Man for my entire life, but it’s still Peter’s story.  The same story that we’ve now had three movie trilogies about since 2002, plus 5 seasons of a cartoon in the 90s, and countless comic titles since Amazing Fantasy #15 over 60 years ago.  Miles, on the other hand, debuted just before Andrew Garfield took up the mantle to hold on to the license, back in 2011.  I don’t really read comics anymore, I do occasionally, but there’s a reason that despite the fact that I love physical copies of books and filling my bookshelves with well thumbed through paperbacks that I have a Kindle now; it’s just too much stuff.  Streaming media is so much easier and more accessible for people.  I want to see more Miles stuff.  Peter is great, I’d even have loved to see an older version of Peter rather than revisiting his high school days, but if you’re going to tell a story of a Spider-Man just starting out, why not give us Miles?  Maybe they’re planning on spinning him off into a new series if this one is successful (but with the way Disney has been handling TV series, you never know if this is intended to be an evergreen series or just the kickoff for a new “universe”), but take a little bit of a gamble, for goodness sake, and try something just a little bit new.  Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man is proof that they can make a good show with compelling, fully realized characters and strong, well-plotted storylines, but it’s just too much retreading of well trod upon ground that we didn’t really need.  But at the same time, I hate to complain because this is a good show and I genuinely enjoy watching it.  Maybe this reaction is a because I’ve felt so starved for good Marvel content since Endgame wrapped up the core story and led to an aimless period of formulaic movies (with a few bright spots, certainly), but I want more.  I’m out here Oliver Twisting about a show that I really like because it still just doesn’t feel like enough.  Maybe it’s a testament to how good Friendly Neighborhood is, because it’s putting ideas in my head of how good a version of this starring Miles Morales could have been or how good an X-Men ‘97 style version of an older Peter Parker could have been.

Those concerns aside, Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man is a great show for all ages, with relatable characters, good writing, and frankly, I can’t wait for more episodes, should we get them.

Sweet Valley Why

Okay.  Let’s talk about The Gorge.  If you’ve not been hit by Apple TV’s marketing, I’ll give you a rundown.  There’s a gorge somewhere that is absolutely pivotal and must be guarded at all times.  This is such an important and secretive job, that “the west” has one person guarding it with some automated guns to help out and “the east”, mostly Russia, it seems, also sends one person to guard it.  Makes you wonder, if it’s so important, shouldn’t there be more than one person to guard it?  Now, I have never run a covert operation before, but I don’t think the best way to do something very important that requires 24/7 monitoring is to have one sad person in solitary confinement doing it.  I would assign at least two people to it to each station, so one could monitor while the other sleeps and they can have their Morning Sam/Morning Ralph moments.  And that seems like the bare minimum.  And I also feel like the main criteria for doing the job shouldn’t be that they messed up their job in some way and won’t be missed by anyone if they die.

But that’s where we are in The Gorge, Apple TV’s original (using the term loosely) movie that released on Valentine’s Day this year, an action sci-fi rom-dramedy starring the awful Miles Teller (Whiplash, Divergent series) and the wonderful Anya Taylor-Joy (Queen’s Gambit, The Northman).  I told you before that I really love small cast actor showcases, but that requires a couple of things that aren’t present in this movie. One, you need fantastic actors.  Yes, it’s true that Anya Taylor-Joy is that—despite the fact I don’t always love her movies, her performances are always pretty much faultless, including the underrated Last Night in Soho.  But Miles Teller, well, I know he was praised for Whiplash, but I don’t get it.  To be fair, I have never seen Whiplash (though I have seen the Honest Trailer), because I don’t want to empathize with Miles Teller, not even for a fleeting moment of emotional weakness.  I can’t tell you why, it’s just one of those things where someone rubs you the wrong way completely and their presence in something gives the film or show a steep uphill climb to get into your good graces.  I used to be that way with Jason Segal, but Apple TV’s Shrinking won me over—however, The Gorge was far less successful.

Teller’s character, Levi, is a washed up sniper with an interest in poetry, PTSD, and massive sad boy energy and the movie is very preoccupied with convincing you that Levi’s ability to remember high school English and recognize T.S. Eliot references unprompted makes him unique that it doesn’t realize that if every soldier at the station leaves a quote on a wall from some poet or another, it makes Levi’s emo-poet-Chalamet-channeling character a lot less special, because he’s just like everybody else.  However, that’s far from the biggest problem with Teller’s performance; when discovering the wall of quotes, he reads a few of them out loud.  I’m not sure whether this was to done because his performance was so wooden that we wouldn’t believe that he was able to read and write or because they needed to cover the fact that this lips move when he reads.  Now, again, I don’t know much about Miles Teller personally, so I may be unnecessarily harsh about him in a way I normally reserve for people who are truly despicable off-screen, but, like I said, the guy rubs me the wrong way.  And now I’m getting ahead of myself.

After a short, quiet intro to Levi’s sad boy existence, we get to see Taylor-Joy’s character Drasa perform a long distance assassination and then go hang out with her dad in a cemetery.  Cool.  After 22 minutes of moping and exposition dumping, nothing in the movie has really happened.  Sope Dirisu (Slow Horses) plays J.D., the outgoing wall-watcher who gives Levi a quick briefing as to what life there is like, mentions that there are creatures in the gorge that they call the Hollow Men and he doesn’t know why, which introduces us to Levi’s affinity for 11th grade English, because he immediately recognizes that it’s a reference to T.S. Eliot’s poem of the same name.  Don’t get too attached to J.D., though, because as soon as his exfil team picks him up, they shoot him and drop his body from a helicopter.  On top of this whole thing making no sense, that makes even less sense.  I understand from a narrative standpoint, its function is to let you know that the covert group that hires people with no attachments to guard a gorge full of monsters are bad people (as if you hadn’t figured that out already), but it’s just such a cliche.  At some point, you have to imagine that the pilot of the helicopter turns around and shoots that guy too, and then being a loose end himself, he crashes the helicopter to close the loop.

From there, we see Levi and Drasa both clock each other from a distance.  Drasa finally makes contact, which Levi says they aren’t allowed to do—which begs the question why? The way the outposts are set up, the only way to defend your own station from a direct attack from below is for the other outpost to train its weapons on them.  Why the automated sentry guns don’t work near the station, I don’t know, but the movie makes it seem like they’re just about wholly dependent on each other to defend each other’s stations, but they’re not allowed contact.  Anyway, during this rom-com portion of the movie, Levi and Drasa continue to flirt via the cards from Love, Actually, blast music and dance while they watch each other through telescopes, including a full on rock and roll Christmas song (for goodness sake, it’s February, is there no relief from Christmas music?  Is there no escape from this infernal genre? The Gorge has more Christmas music in it than 8-Bit Christmas) until one day Levi decides to zip line over there for a date.  Of course, for a guy who has made the second longest sniper shot in recorded history (which again begs the question, who is recording the distances of top secret black ops sniper kills?  Is there a rep from Guinness there when it happens, writing down the distance and then promising not to tell anyone?  Does someone near the target yell “Oh no, he was killed from 2,837 meters away!  I can tell, trust me!”?), he shows a shocking lack of knowledge of how gravity works, so he shoots his line straight across instead of at a downward angle and has to shimmy across the rope.  Where did this guy train?  He’s out here using Wile E. Coyote rules.

The two of them bond over their sniper kills—for a guy suffering from PTSD, he sure is happy to flirt using his confirmed kills—and then he drops his poetry interest on her.  This whole courtship reads like a teenage fantasy.  Sure, he’s a cold, hardened killer at work, but when he clocks out, he’s sensitive and sweet and loves poetry and puppies and kitty cats—he’s so dreamy.  It’s the same in reverse for Drasa too; she’s a Lithuanian assassin working for Russia, but really she’s just a girly girl who loves to dance and have fun and she doesn’t even know how pretty she is!  The maturity level of this movie makes Ace Ventura look sophisticated by comparison. Anyway, after a bone session, Levi does his rope crawl of shame, but it snaps midway and the action sci-fi portion of the movie begins as Drasa quickly gears up to jump into the gorge to save him.  This happens about an hour into the film.  An hour.  We’re subjected to an hour of stilted, cringeworthy flirting before something actually happens. From there, it’s shooty shooty at some creatures that look like the White Walkers crossbred with Groot, cliched reveals and twists and turns and a conclusion to the action as boring and rote as the rest of it.

Rarely is a movie both this boring and simultaneously overstuffed.  The back half of The Gorge is a whole movie stuffed into an hour, so despite the fact nothing happens in the first half, the rest of it has way too much going on and every conflict is resolved far too easily and nonsensically—at one point, one of our intrepid idiot lovers is taken prisoner by the monsters.  Now, they don’t speak, they don’t have any need for information, so what exactly is the point of taking a prisoner and torturing them?  It’s not like they’re going to learn anything from them.  Much of this portion of the movie feels like video game missions, point to point with little thought between them and monster closets pumping out enemies until you reach a checkpoint.  It reminded me of many games that were both more fun to play and had deeper, more interesting narratives than this, which is kind of a shame, because sometimes it’s nice to just watch something for two hours rather than engage yourself with a game for 20-60 hours to complete it.  But not since Extraction 2 basically copied the entire train sequence from Uncharted 2 have I seen a movie that felt so much like a video game in a bad way.

There’s so much wrong with this movie, but even if you cleaned up the writing and cast Levi with an actor who can act (and doesn’t make me irrationally hate him, I fully admit bias here), you’d have major mechanical issues with the narrative structure.  There are discrete sections of the film where it changes genres.  I love when filmmakers play with genre expectations and intertwine multiple genres together, but this isn’t that.  It’s not a creative marriage of science fiction and romance, it’s several separate movies smashed together with one set of characters.  And on top of all that, it doesn’t respect your time at all, with a run time of over two hours, much of that is spent quietly doing nothing.  And that’s not to say quiet films where not a lot happens waste your time, but there has to be a payoff.  I remember watching The Power of the Dog and finding much of it very boring, until the third act payoff made it all worth it.  The Gorge is not The Power of the Dog.  It’s barely the power of a hamster.

Had The Gorge been a romantic comedy or a romantic dramedy, it could have been better.  Had it been about a small team sent in to handle these monsters, it could have been better.  But it decided it wanted to be both and more and ended up being far, far less than the sum of its parts or the movies and video games it drew its inspiration from.  I don’t like to criticize something without offering alternatives, but because of the—let’s be nice and say—unique nature of this particular genre mashup, it’s hard to give you one movie to watch instead.  If you want a supernatural military story, I would suggest Overlord, starring Jovan Adepo, Wyatt Russell, and Mathilde Ollivier.  It’s an excellent war/horror story set in WW2 about a squad of American soldiers sent behind enemy lines for a crucial mission on the eve of D-Day who encounter horrors they never expected.  If you want more romance and a little less violence (but still some violence), check out Netflix’s original movie Hit Man, starring Glen Powell and Adria Arjona, a much more successful blending of genres, with a properly charismatic lead man (my fanboying over Glen Powell is well documented).  Actually, just about any Glen Powell movie will fulfill that rom-com/rom-dramedy role better than this (check out Set it Up with him and Zoey Deutch if you haven’t already).  If you want the romance and sci-fi action, Love and Monsters is a handily superior film and it stars the wonderful Jessica Henwick, along with Dylan O’Brien.  If you want to experience the loneliness of wilderness monitoring where your only tenuous connection to life is a voice over a radio, I highly suggest the game Firewatch, which takes only about 4-5 hours to complete.

If the description of The Gorge appeals to you, trust me, you can find much better alternatives.  I try not to be absolutist about criticism because at the end of the day, this is just my opinion.  I’d rather say that something is not for me than say outright that it’s objectively bad, because maybe you’ll find something to enjoy here (and 65% of critics seemed to like it well enough, as well as 77% of the audience), but know that even if you watch The Gorge and enjoy it, you can still do a lot better.

Unfortunately, what they’re watching isn’t more interesting than the movie itself

Limburger Hill

Expectations can set you up for a really nice surprise sometimes.  I was convinced to try the new Fox comedy series Going Dutch (also streaming on Hulu) after being completely turned off by the previews and the concept.  I mean, Denis Leary on Fox playing a curmudgeonly old Army colonel who is forced to deal with Gen Z kids, while all the time railing about millennials—count me out.  I’m all about tossed salad and scrambled eggs, but I skipped the poorly reviewed Frasier reboot for those exact reasons.  But, somehow, Going Dutch managed to surprise me.

Much like A.P. Bio, which was also a pleasant surprise, the premise seemed hopelessly mired in uncomfortably out-of-date views about comedy, with a particularly mean spirit that doesn’t appeal to me anymore.  Denis Leary, famed angry comedian of a bygone era, expects to receive a promotion to commanding officer of the combat base USAG Baumholder when General Davidson, who does not like Leary’s character Colonel Patrick Quinn, breaks the news that not only is he not being promoted, he’s getting transferred to a support base in Stroopsdorf, Netherlands, because of a scathing, profanity-laced video of Quinn laying into his superiors, including Davidson and the Joint Chiefs.  It was an embarrassment to the military and it gave Davidson the opportunity to punish the loudmouth Quinn.  Now, the Stroopsdorf base is a unique one.  The main work they do there is laundry, supplying cheese to combat forces, and maintaining a bowling alley.  The soldiers ride bicycles (as is the custom in the Netherlands, apparently; when I was in Amsterdam, they were everywhere), their uniform standards are lax, and they don’t carry any guns.  For an old war dog like Quinn, this is practically torture.  No combat, no enemy, kindly European villagers, and, worst of all, no guns at all.

But the real torture is revealed when Quinn meets the base’s interim commander who has been running the show ever since the old CO started working remotely: Quinn’s estranged daughter, Maggie (Taylor Misiak), a captain.  It’s at that moment that Quinn realizes what Davidson’s real punishment is; it’s not just taking him out of a combat role and forever barring him from furthering his rank, it’s forcing him to reconnect with a daughter who hates his guts.  Devious.  Brilliant, really, in a way.  I mean, underhanded, surely, but kind of brilliant.  The reunion goes about as well as you can expect, and as Quinn inspects the base, finding fault with everything, especially the personnel, Captain Maggie, as she’s affectionately known by those in her command, grows increasingly frustrated with her father’s presence and attitude.  One of the soldiers that particularly irks him is the tech guy, Corporal Papadakis, played by Hal Cumpston—having to grow up with a name like that, it’s no surprise he became a comedian and comic actor—who is the absolute standout star of Going Dutch.  With his long hair, wispy tween-style moustache, and generous physique, he’s everything Quinn hates about the younger generation.  He’s also overly familiar, very open emotionally, and not at all suited to a life of combat or the type of old school, John Wayne masculinity that Quinn values.  But, luckily for the audience, Papadakis has an incredible sense of comedic timing and line delivery that will have you laughing out loud more per episode than I did in the entirety of the Night Court reboot’s first season.  At one point, as a bonding exercise with Col. Quinn, Papadakis shows up with two feet of a formerly six foot hoagie (sub sandwich, if you’re not from around here) and tells the colonel that they need to “Lady and the Tramp it” as an act of camaraderie.  In the pilot episode, when his hand is taken to show off how soft the soldiers at Stroopsdorf are, the distinct aroma of lavender is mentioned.  He responds that they pick it in the afternoons, right before nap time.  You can read this and it does the line no justice—even if I were to use a direct quote, there’s no way to replicate his delivery and timing in a written medium.  He’s hilarious, relentlessly positive, and extremely wholesome, which was entirely unexpected for this show.

Papadakis isn’t the only one who gets laughs, either.  Community alum Danny Pudi plays Major Abraham Shah, who is effectively Quinn’s valet, his body man.  Completely different from Abed and his ultracapitalist diabolical character in Mythic Quest, Shah is buttoned down, a devoted assistant to Quinn, but the new surroundings start to affect him in uncomfortable ways—that is, he experience the pains of emotional growth and seeing the world differently.  But, as you’d expect from comedy veteran like Pudi, this occurs with great comedic effect.  Laci Mosley plays Dana Conway, the supply sergeant in charge of acquisitions; a slippery character, she also runs a sort of black market of fine goods, and reminds me more of Pudi’s ultracapitalist, but it’s funnier and more good-natured than Mythic Quest’s take on that kind of character.  Taylor Misiak’s character, “Captain Maggie”, is constantly flabbergasted by her father’s behavior and the two butt heads often; it’s not just the fighting that is a source of tension and comedy, but it’s also one of the reasons this show turned out so surprising.

Despite the fact that Denis Leary’s living relic is the face of the show, he’s not strictly the main protagonist here, much like how the doctors in St. Denis Medical aren’t portrayed as the “hero doctors” you usually see in shows like that; rather they’re the butt of the jokes, Quinn is quickly shown the cons of being such a stodgy old stick in the mud, trapped in the toxicity of the past.  He’s not the Frasier of the show—yes, he is fairly hopelessly out of touch and out of date, but it’s Maggie’s openness to her father that drives the show.  With some prompting by Major Shah, Maggie realizes that while her absentee father was never there for her, he was still following her life, still proud of her, albeit in ways his generation didn’t have the tools to express.  She realizes that he actually may have the capacity to change, given the proper guidance.  After all, it’s easy a dig a hole, but without the right tools, it’s very hard to climb out of one.  And this how the show actually won me over.  Quinn isn’t the hero, triumphantly whipping the rest of the layabouts and scrimshankers into his vision of the military; he’s going to learn a lesson—painfully slowly at times—about being a part of the modern world and leaving behind the dead weight of past mindsets.

The fact that we’re just six episodes into the series and there’s already been palpable growth in not just Quinn, but other characters as well is a very promising sign for the show’s sustainability as it continues (if it continues; shows I like tend not to stick around and the 5.1/10 rating on IMDB shows that I’m in the minority here).  Growth and change are natural progression beyond the story level and really necessary to avoid characters narrowing their personalities into caricatures of themselves, which we’ve seen happen to sitcoms that go on too long time and time again.  Of course, this isn’t a guarantee that the show will continue to improve over time, but so far I’ve felt that each episode has built upon the last and that’s a good thing.  Going Dutch could have been a mess of Boomeristic patting yourself on the back, but somehow, it’s a show about the ability to change if you open yourself to the idea of changing and are willing to put in a little effort.  And that’s kind of nice in an increasingly and justifiably pessimistic time.  No, this isn’t Ted Lasso on a military base.  It’s definitely not perfect—the choice of Catherine Tate (The Office, Doctor Who) as local brothel owner and Quinn’s love interest is probably a misstep and I can’t speak to the cultural accuracy of a show where British and Icelandic actors are playing Dutch in a show filmed in Ireland, though reviews on IMDB do say that many aspects are more German than Dutch, there’s that.  So if that’s something that bothers you (and maybe it should be something that bothers me too), it may take away from your enjoyment of the show.  Not every joke lands, but I find myself laughing more often than not, which is more than I can say for many long-running, wildly popular sitcoms (I’m looking at you Big Bang Theory and its expanded universe, which feels really bad to say in a world where The Tick only got two seasons).  But when it comes right down to it, I didn’t think I’d like Going Dutch, I didn’t want to like it, but somehow I do.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading!  And if you’re so inclined, this week I was a guest judge on the excellent culinary podcast No Bad Food, for my second Munch Madness episode, a yearly tradition where foods are pitted against each other in an NCAA-style bracket.  It’s fun, it’s whimsical, and if you feel like you can handle a little more of me, I would love it if you checked it out! Host Tom Zalatnai is a delightful person, incredible to work with, and I’m thrilled every time they ask me back on the show.  You can find it here on Apple Podcasts or here on Spotify.