The Silence of the Dams

Link to the audio version of this post is HERE

Summertime is the time of going outdoors, I know.  As much as I am a city boy, where the glass and concrete have become nature, even I recognize the power of being in actual nature.  It’s restorative.  The amount of time it takes to restore people can be different for sure; for me, an occasional foray to the land of green stuff is more than enough to keep my nature meter sated.  But for others, nature is much more important to their daily lives and can give a sense of peace and tranquility.  Mabel is one of those types.  She loves animals and nature and has pretty much devoted her entire life to protecting it, as futile as that may seem at times.  Let’s get into Pixar’s 2026 animated feature, Hoppers.

We start on Mabel Tanaka as a young child in school.  And she’s plotting a jailbreak.  Class pets are the main subject of her breakout; you see, Mabel really, really loves animals.  And she hates to see them caged up and kept away from their natural habitats.  But, like most jailbreaks plotted by 9-year-olds, it’s largely unsuccessful.  But in the aftermath, Mabel’s parents drop her off at her grandmother’s place to watch her and she takes Mabel to the glade.  Before I talk about how this affects Mabel, I want to take stock of how big a swing this is.  This is the beginning of the movie; yes, we had the thrilling elementary school prison break, but immediately after, we grind to a halt and sit in a forest clearing to take in nature with our characters.  This is paramount to the story.  Mabel, voiced by Piper Curda (The Morning Show, I Didn’t Do It), the sister of Twisted Metal’s Saylor Bell Curda, grows into a 19-year-old eco-activist, fighting Mayor Jerry at every turn.  And it’s this moment, where she quietly sits with her grandmother to take in the natural beauty around her that shapes her as a character.  Mabel is headstrong, overbearing, slightly obnoxious, highly pessimistic, and a misanthrope as well; if you didn’t get a chance to experience for yourself what and why she’s fighting so hard to protect, you wouldn’t like her (and test audiences didn’t until this scene found its home in the opening act of the film).  Sitting in that glade with her grandmother defines her.

Jumping forward to now, the glade sits empty and a new highway looms over it like the knowledge of impending death.  Mayor Jerry Generazzo, voiced by Jon Hamm (30 Rock, Grimsburg), is determined to run this new highway right through the glade, replacing it with the concrete and tarmac I usually hold so dear.  As you can imagine, to Mabel, this is perverse.  The destruction of nature for some slight convenience?  She can’t stand for it.  But she’s on a ticking clock and without any actual wildlife in the glade to protect, the glade’s been approved for destruction.  Mabel goes to her professor and mentor Dr. Sam, voiced by Kathy Najimy (King of the Hill, Sister Act), and discovers that she’s been working on a top secret project to transfer the human consciousness into a robot animal body for the purpose of study.  This allows them to communicate fluently with the animals and insinuate themselves into ecosystems unbeknownst to the animals that it’s really a human at the wheel.  Dr. Sam let it slip that the presence of just one beaver would be enough to restore life to the glade, thanks to all their hard work; building dams creates the ponds and streams and is necessary for wildlife to survive.  Can’t live without water, my doctor keeps telling me.  Red Bull is made of water, I keep telling her.  Normally, this is where I mention that our protagonist hatches a plan, but Mabel isn’t the planning type.  She acts almost purely on instinct, jumping into the machine and hopping into the body of a robot beaver so she can find a real one to repopulate the glade.  That’s what Dr. Sam calls it, hopping.  I guess that’s why this movie is about beavers (or one specific lizard, depending on your perspective) and not rabbits.  No matter, Pixar animation is sufficiently cute, regardless of the animal subject matter.  Do an otter movie, Pixar.  Please.  They’re so cute.

After interrupting the natural order of things (as a reminder, the animal kingdom is a cruel place; it’s worse than having to listen to Snyder bros on Twitter), Mabel is brought to King George, a beaver.  George, as he likes to be called, is the cool king, and is voiced by Bobby Moynihan (The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins).  George has created a space for the animals being driven out of their natural habitats, cramped though it may be.  And he’s the one that Mabel has to convince to go back to the glade and repopulate it so it can be saved (repopulate by building a dam and creating a hospitable habitat, that is; this is a Pixar movie we’re talking about).  George is a bit of an odd duck, pardon the expression, with him being a beaver and all.  He’s fun.  Lighthearted. Trusting.  Kind.  But he still breaks it to Mabel that no one will ever move back to the glade because it’s too noisy.  Mabel figures out the issue and they all move back to the glade, filling it with life.  Job done, right?  Of course not, we’re barely halfway through the movie.

I’ll get the bad out of the way right now.  Hoppers is not an all-timer from Pixar.  This is not a movie that’s on the level of the Spider-Verse films or KPop Demon Hunters from Sony, nor can it match the masterpiece that is The Last Wish.  But it is a really good movie.  And that’s despite the fact that the third act is a complete mess.  The narrative holds together, but the rules of the world seem to no longer apply and the film starts genre hopping in a way I really didn’t expect.  I was happy to be taken for a ride and enjoyed Pixar’s foray into slightly darker humor, but I’m not sure it was the best idea.  However, these problems don’t get in the way of it being an enjoyable movie with a great message and it certainly won’t bother kids that some of the film’s internal logic seemingly got thrown out like litter on the side of the road.  But if you allow yourself to forget about all that and just enjoy the absolutely unhinged action-packed third act, you’re going to have a really good time.

Mabel grows a lot, which is nice because sometimes when there’s a character like Mabel who starts off in the right, it can be difficult for them to have meaningful growth in their character arc.  This is one of the places where the writing really shines.  Mabel is angry.  She hates Mayor Jerry.  And I don’t blame her.  This is a righteous anger that she feels, a righteous anger that fuels her, but never really pushes her over the line.  But when she falls victim to her own rage at the injustices being perpetrated against nature generally and the glade specifically, she sets the animals down a path that leads to darkness.  We all know that anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering (credit to the great philosopher Yoda) and there is plenty of suffering to go around.  But the second her righteous anger turns to hateful fear-mongering, Mabel snaps it back with George’s help.  Mabel may be right at the start of the movie, but that doesn’t mean that she’s perfect.  She has a lot of growing up to do; after all, she is only 19.  I remember what I was doing at 19, and it definitely wasn’t trying to save the environment or getting into shouting matches with the mayor (I did transfer my consciousness into a robot marmoset once, but that was nothing like this).  And through the course of this movie, she does quite a bit of growing up.

A lot of that is thanks to George.  George has a truly Shakespearean backstory and he’s happy to share it.  Everything he’s seen and been through, his first instinct is still to greet folks with openness and try to look for the good in them.  Even humans.  He’s even open to seeing the goodness in humans and as someone who is still active on Twitter, he does a much better job of finding it than I do.  George is instrumental in Mabel’s growth and their friendship is so beautiful to watch unfold.  And Bobby Moynihan’s voice acting is just fun to listen to.  I’m so happy that he’s getting roles like this because he delivers banger after banger in Reggie Dinkins and I’ve grown so much affection for him as a result.  But it’s through George, because of George that Mabel learns to see things from others’ perspectives.  And without this, without learning this specific kind of empathy, Mabel would never be able to accomplish what she sets out to do.  It’s not that Mabel isn’t empathetic; she has tons of it, of course.  But because she’s unable to put herself in the shoes of another human, it makes her ineffective as an activist.  Now I’m not saying that you need to open your mind to the point that you agree with those who are on the other side of your argument.  Rather, if you don’t try to understand where they’re coming from, you’re never going to be able to change their mind.  A decision doesn’t exist in a bubble, protected from change by magic; it sits atop a pedestal built on a pile of thousands of thoughts, experiences, emotions, personal values, and morals.  If you can’t understand those underpinnings, you can never hope to get into that pile and start changing things.  And if you can’t change the pile, you’ll have no chance at changing the pedestal or what’s on it; that decision you’re seeking to alter.

Despite the movie’s flaws, Hoppers is a worthy entry into the Pixar catalogue.  Like most top tier kids’ movies, Hoppers isn’t just fun and funny; it also has a moral and a lesson to it and I think both of those are important.  Human beings, as much as we like to believe it, are just as much a part of nature as the rest of it.  And nature, filthy and dirty and covered in mud and bugs as it is, is not just worth protecting, it’s necessary, because harming nature is harming ourselves.  We can pretend we’re different, we can pretend we’re above nature, but we’re not.  And though I am a city boy, even I can’t deny the restorative power of being in the natural world.  Once every few years, I try to find a way to commune with nature and allow myself to feel like I’m connected to something much bigger than I am.  And that’s a huge part of what this movie is about.  It’s about making sure we don’t forget that we’re not islands.  Hoppers is a reminder that while we can have fun living life as a wave, we shouldn’t forget that we’re all just part of the ocean.  All of us connected, every living thing a part of something that humanity has spent its existence trying to understand on a scientific, philosophical, and moral level.  And as messy as the third act is, that doesn’t take away from how good this movie made me feel at the end of it.  It made me want to go out into nature; not just in the moment, but as a life change.  Instead of finding a place where grass grows once every few years, maybe I’ll do it once a year.  An annual trip to a place where trees don’t grow tied to stakes in the sidewalk.  Not a bad idea, really.  Hoppers is rated PG, runs 1 hour and 44 minutes, and streams on Disney+.  It’s great summer fun for the whole family with a message that people should hear.  I’ll be watching this one again.

Raid of Honor

Link to the audio version of this post is HERE

Summer camp.  A rite of passage for so many young kids.  I remember the times my parents thought that summer camp was the place for me.  The great outdoors, dirt, bugs, extreme heat, dehydration, being made to go swimming three times a day so your counselor can take a break and your hair always smells like chlorine.  And if there’s one thing that I remember most vividly, it’s how we were split up into six teams of four based on our jobs and were made to do extreme challenges on an island, known as the Island of Fire, for the honor of our profession.  Wait, I might be thinking of Siren: Survive the Island.  Let’s get into it.

I’ve never really covered reality TV before, other than a quarantine post about how it’s okay to enjoy trash TV like Tiger King when it’s comfort viewing for a world that feels like it’s falling apart.  But since the focus of this blog is storytelling and I’ve talked about storytelling in sports, why not some more reality TV?  Siren is unlike any reality competition I’ve seen before and while I was reluctant to watch any reality show, this one came with a strong recommendation so I tried it out.  It’s not like I don’t watch any reality competition shows, but they are generally centered around cooking (Top Chef, Bake-Off), so I’m nothing but open-minded.  The premise is simple.  Six teams of four, split by profession.  Soldiers, cops, firefighters, stunt performers, bodyguards, and national athletes.  No prize money on the line, only pride.  Right, this is where I tell you, if it’s not obvious by the fact there’s no prize money, that it’s not American.  Siren is a Korean reality show.  And all the contestants are women.

If there’s even a moment of fleeting doubt about the intensity of the show in your mind, banish it now.  Siren makes Survivor look like a high tea service with caviar and finger sandwiches by comparison.  In one challenge, the teams are told to go, but they don’t know where until a flare is shot into the sky.  The flare happened to be 1km away from them, setting off a race through a mudflat to get there.  If you’re not familiar with mudflats and you’ve never seen the Top Gear Botswana special, then allow me.  One kilometer running across mud that sucks your legs and pulls you down like quicksand in a cartoon. Once they reach their destination, they have to pick up their team’s flag and race back through the mudflat to get to the arena.  The catch, though, is that the flag comes with an 80kg (~175 pounds) flag pole that they have to transport as well.  Make no mistake.  All of these women are in peak physical shape and are incredibly strong.  And this challenge saw them reaching their limit, breaking down in the mudflat, collapsing under the literal weight of the flag pole and the extreme exertion of the challenge.  And this was the first challenge.

It was genuinely incredible to watch, seeing them fight through this ordeal that was perhaps more difficult than they thought it would be.  But here’s the one thing that immediately got me on board with this show.  When the first team arrives, they receive a phone call to give them the next instruction for the second phase of the challenge.  But the first team had someone lagging behind, near the back of the pack and the voice on the phone informs them that they can only receive the instructions once the whole team has arrived.  Rather than wait for their colleague, one of them immediately went back into the mudflat to go get her.  And when she sees her teammate fighting through the mud to return to her, the first words out her mouth are “I’m sorry” and her teammate responds that there’s nothing to be sorry about because they’re a team.  She was just glad that she was able to go back and help her.  And that’s a theme across the entire series.  These women are so supportive of each other.  When one falters, another is there to prop them up and help them get across the line.  What a noticeable difference from most American reality TV shows I’ve ever tried.  If cutthroat backstabbing and finger pointing is your thing, Siren isn’t where you’re going to get it.  It was truly inspiring to see these women building each other up instead of tearing each other down.  Their challenges truly require teamwork and they’re all there for each other through it.  My Marvel Rivals teammates could never.

And this is all even before we get to the heart of the actual competition.  Each day, there are two challenges.  The first occurs in the arena and that’s your sort of Survivor style challenge where the teams compete to gain an advantage in the other battle.  This is called an Arena Battle.  These are intense physical challenges that make the games I’ve seen in other reality shows seem like babytown frolics by comparison.

Then there’s the Base Battle, which also occurs everyday.  This is where the show gets its name.  Once a day, at a time unknown to the contestants, a loud siren rings across the island.  It could be any time, before or after an Arena Battle, the middle of the night, you name it.  And we’re not talking about a gently rising alarm clock either.  I’m talking about those old air raid sirens that they used to test occasionally right outside my elementary school.  I’m sure they had them in other places as well.  I doubt the firehouse near my school was the linchpin for America’s defense from Soviet invasion.  The goal of these base battles is to capture the flag of another team and occupy their base, thus kicking them off the island in the process.  This is where a lot of the strategy comes in play; teams have to choose their base and each one has a unique set of pros and cons.  One could be very conveniently located to the island’s resources, but that also means that it’s more easily targeted by the other teams.  One could be very defensible, but placed remotely, so you have to do more work to gather resources or even just go to the Arena Battles each day.  It’s not like they can take an Uber there, they’re hiking everywhere.  They also have varying degrees of protection from the elements.  But with four people on each team, you have to strategically decide how to approach each raid.  You could split up 2-2-2, which everyone knows is the ideal team composition, but everyone keeps either going triple heals or quad DPS and…sorry, I’m talking about Rivals again.  But you have to decide.  Can one person hold out against a team of two, three, or more?  Do you split your team evenly and hope that two people can overcome a defensible position?  Do you let the sharks eat each other and put all your resources into defense?  Do you trust your hiding skills, conceal the flag as sneakily as you can, and then go all out in attack?

Battle is the right word for this hourlong free-for-all.  The contestants aren’t allowed to really hit each other, but the definition of hit is pretty loose.  Each contestant wears a sort of vest with their own personal flag in the back.  Pull the flag out of a person’s vest and they’re done for the battle.  They can’t participate further until the battle has concluded.  This means that pushing, shoving, grappling, and even some light weaponry come into play.  These fights get intense.  They know that having your flag pulled means your team will be at a massive disadvantage for the rest of the hour and that could lead to elimination for your entire team if the tide turns against them.  And when you’re watching it, it feels like the stakes are very high.  These women don’t want to let each other down.  Remember, it’s not like it’s money they’re playing for.  It’s pride.  It’s each other.  And that is really kind of amazing to see in a reality competition show.  But make no mistake, they’re willing to fight tooth and nail for it.  Watching these battles as they teeter from tense to intense and feel as action-packed as a scripted show.  And knowing that these are all real, accomplished women in fields dominated by men who are giving it their all is inspiring.  It’s not as if I’m going to start going outside and doing tough mudder events, but I like to know that there’s a small part of me that wishes I could.  Even though it’s very small.  I don’t like the mud.  I don’t like getting wet or dirty and mud is wet dirt.  It’s not for me.

One of the things that I love about how this show is how it’s presented.  No overbearing, obnoxious, Seacrestian host to constantly reiterate what’s going on, no manufactured drama, no social manipulation.  The politicking is gone because it’s performance that justifies your spot on the island, not shaky alliances and calculated treachery.  Just a set of contestants playing the game.  It’s crazy to me how much better other countries do reality competition shows.  Sure, there’s The Great British Bake Off/Baking Show, but Korea seems to be doing this stuff really right.  Korea has better reality competition shows, they have better pop groups, their horror movies are really good, and they even have better demon hunters than we do.  I wouldn’t sleep on the fried chicken either.  But, in the meantime, Korea, please do a version of Ultimate Tag that doesn’t involve JJ Watt or any of his brothers.  That concept has so much potential!  Unfortunately, Siren: Survive the Island only got one season despite critical success, but that season is still available on Netflix.  Rated TV-14 for language (although it is in Korean, so that might not be a very big issue if you don’t speak Korean) and with 10 episodes averaging about 45 minutes, it’s easily one that you could watch with the family or keep all to yourself.  So if you want the summer camp experience to the extreme, it’s worth a shot.   

Just as a side note, if you’re celebrating the holiday here in the US, have a fun and safe weekend.  If you’re facing a heatwave like I and much of the country are, stay hydrated, don’t drink and drive, and remember that patriotism isn’t the same thing as blind devotion.  As for me, I’ll be locked in a dark, air conditioned room, looking for more light summer fun to bring you.

Lone Wolf and Stub: Supergirl

Link to the audio version of this post is HERE

Readers, I have once again braved the harshest of elements (it was raining lightly, but it was quite humid) and this time on opening weekend to head to the theaters to see a movie that I’ve been waiting for since the utter surprise that was 2025’s Superman.  So it’s time for another spoiler-free look at a movie that’s in theaters in the next installment of my “Lone Wolf and Stub” series, where I go to the movies by myself and then tell you about it with nearly no details.  Let’s talk about Supergirl.

I’m sitting here just about half an hour since the credits rolled on my IMAX showing and I have so many thoughts that I need to share with you that they might not be the most well organized.  First things first, I have to speak briefly about the online reaction to this movie and its critical reception.  Now, you know that I am generally fairly snobby when it comes to movies and my tastes are usually more in line with critics.  There are counterexamples, of course, and Supergirl is going to be one of them.  At the time of writing, Supergirl is sitting at a 57% RT score with 76% audience score.  Now, I can’t speak to what problem the critics had with it is, I haven’t read every review.  I can’t tell you what I saw and they didn’t or what they didn’t see and I did, but I walked into Supergirl with an open mind and enjoyed every second of it.

As for the misogynistic online backlash, I don’t think I need to tell you that I hold nothing but disdain for people who jump on bandwagon hate because something doesn’t represent them or whatever silly notion they have as to what they’re entitled to.  It’s of course okay that something isn’t made for you because you’re not the only person on the planet.  But also, just because the protagonist doesn’t look like you doesn’t mean you can’t identify with them.  I mean, I grew up watching white guy after white guy save the day and I like Batman just as much as anyone else, even if he does have the face of a colonizer.  So if you’re mad that there’s a superhero movie starring a woman then you simply need to grow up.  I’ve been on that cesspool-formerly-known-as-Twitter and seen people talking about how horrible the movie is, how it should have starred Sydney Sweeney, and how it’s man-hating trash not only before the movie hit theaters, but even before the critics got a chance to see it.  It’s time to grow up.  The movie is not horrible, not even close.  No, it really should not have starred Sydney Sweeney.  And it’s not man-hating at all.  It’s not man-hating for a woman to exist and have stories centered around her.  It’s not man-hating for a woman protagonist to go against all male antagonists (which isn’t even the case here).  It’s not man-hating to hold those who hurt women and girls accountable.  And I really have to stress that this should not have starred Sydney Sweeney.  If you want to see Sydney Sweeney in a superhero movie, go watch Madame Web with the twelve other people who have seen it.  I watched this movie sitting next to a father and with his two young sons.  They didn’t see online discourse; they saw a hero doing the right thing and kicking ass in the process.  So maybe everything online isn’t always so real.

Now that’s out of the way, I can focus on the movie.  Just very quickly, Supergirl is Superman’s cousin, Kara Zor-el, and much like Clark, she’s got some pretty significant powers when she’s under the yellow sun.  Of course, Kara doesn’t really spend much time in that particular brand sunlight, opting instead for the red sun that allows her to get drunk.  I don’t blame her.  Then some stuff happens and Kara has to make some decisions and maybe do some stuff.  I can’t get any more specific than that, but I can tell you that the movie digs deep into the well of heroic tropes, but does so in a really effective way.  It worked in Logan, it worked in The Mandalorian, it even worked in The Punisher season two.  Give a reluctant would-be hero something to protect and see if they are the hero we want them to be or not.  Hell, it’s the trope that this series of blog posts is named after.  And I can’t get enough of it.  Milly Alcock (House of the Dragon, Upright) is excellent as Supergirl; she presents as a party girl, drinking her way through the galaxy like an undergrad student on a pub crawl, but there’s so much more to her character.  Kara has so much depth to her, so much capacity to elicit emotion and be relatable that I can’t imagine a better choice for her than Milly Alcock.  She teeters on the knife edge of likability as a character because Kara wants you to hate her as much she hates everything that’s happened to her.  I could go on about her performance, but that would get into spoiler territory and we don’t want to be there.  Suffice it to say that Milly doesn’t just walk the knife edge, she dances on it with aplomb.

Some have likened the story to that of a Guardians of the Galaxy movie and even if that were accurate, I don’t see the problem.  In case everyone forgot, the Guardians movies were great.  The second did take a dip in quality and Chris Pratt has long overstayed his welcome, but as a trilogy, Vol. 3 was so good that it made me forget all the peccadillos of Vol. 2.  Yes, there are some similarities both visually and in setting and world building as the Guardians movies, but that’s kind of the point of having a cohesive cinematic universe.  Guardians may be a Marvel property, but James Gunn isn’t and he’s the one in charge of the Gunnmosphere, so it stands to reason that there are going to be similarities.  And yet, it still feels fully in the universe of Superman.  I do see influences from other movies though, as nothing is created in a vacuum.  I see some Logan, I see some Mad Max: Fury Road, I see some True Grit in it as well.  And if you know me, two of those movies I mentioned are ones I didn’t like, but it all comes together in something that I truly adored.

It’s not all perfect, of course.  There are a couple of lines I could have done without because they have the effect of inviting undue bad faith soundbite criticism and some of the action, while appropriately disjointed and unpolished (Kara isn’t exactly the kind of person who has a meticulous plan of action), can be hard to follow at times.  Jason Momoa plays Jason Momoa as Lobo [Jason Momoa’s Version] and while he’s perfectly suited for Lobo, it is largely the same character he always plays.  It almost feels nitpicky to complain about it because it is really perfect casting.  I mean, I do think he’s at his best playing a Pauly Shore-like villain in Fast X.  Momoa is a very likable figure so that does paper over some cracks, but there are no surprises.  He simply is what it says on the tin.  And that’s kind of the list of my complaints.  Maybe more will come to me when I do a full post, but for now that’s what I’ve got.  The movie felt great to watch, I was engaged from moment one, and thanks to the extremely sensible 1 hour, 47 minute runtime (with no after credits scene!), it was paced well too.  Which I can’t say about every superhero movie that benchmarks two and a half hours as a minimum, whether or not there’s story to justify the column inches, so to speak.  It’s fun, it’s funny, and it packs a narrative punch as well.  Supergirl is PG-13 and in theaters now and it gets my wholehearted recommendation.

Pedal of Honor

Link to the audio version of this post is HERE

I never much cared for summer, if I’m being honest with you.  It gets really hot and I’ve never liked the heat, and summers seem only hotter and longer than they were when I was a kid.  So these days, I generally dread the return of summer.  There is one tradition I do miss, though.  The summer road trip.  Piling everyone into the car, bags in the back, the open road between walled cities in a post-apocalyptic hellscape where every mile of open road is an ambush waiting to happen, and a society that’s been dead since the early 2000s.  I promise I’m talking about a TV show and not reality.  Let’s get into the Peacock original series Twisted Metal.

The only image I can remember from my 6th birthday party

When I first heard that there was going to be a TV adaptation of the video game I used play on my PlayStation back when PlayStation didn’t have any numbers after the name, I wasn’t sure it had legs as a narrative vehicle.  It was basically a demolition derby where the cars were all crazy builds that would make Hot Wheels blush.  We’re talking about a clown-themed ice cream van with rocket launchers, a classic yellow checker cab that lobs Molotov cocktails, a car that’s just a man suspended between two large wheels.  These character designs are patently and objectively absurd.  Any suggestion of a story in the games took a backseat, pardon the pun, to the chaotic, explosion-filled gameplay.  It’s only through the series that I learned the game was about some huge tournament someone is holding.

All that didn’t seem like a recipe for much of anything story-wise, but I have to commend what the writers did with the source material.  They took some backgrounds from the levels and some blurbs and scrolls and built a convincing post-apocalyptic United States.  Around 2003, 20 years before the start of the show, “The Fall” occurred, which brought America to its knees.  The division between people becomes irrevocably and physically cemented, as the country is split into those on the inside of large, walled cities that are safe and those who live outside of those cities.  On the outside, we’re talking full on The Walking Dead minus the zombies.  But surviving an apocalypse seems to do strange things to people and many of them have split off into factions that are reminiscent of Mad Max or any other number of post-apocalyptic media out there.  It’s not a terribly original idea, I admit; but execution matters and I’ll get to that in a little bit.  Goods move between the cities by means of outsider couriers called milkmen who take on the dangerous task of navigating these roads to make these “milk runs” and deliver whatever’s needed.  Often these are medical supplies or ammunition or something else these roving groups of ultraviolent nutjobs are in need of, making milkmen targets for every road gang out there.

On tonight’s episode of The Falcon and Rosa Diaz…

Enter John Doe and Evelyn.  John Doe is played by Anthony Mackie (The Hurt Locker, Captain America: The Winter Soldier) and he gets the moniker because at the time of The Fall, he lost his memory.  So he has no recollection of the world before it became the mess it is now.  Well, if that just isn’t utterly relatable.  20 years out on the road, on his own, going on milk run after milk run, facing bandits, thieves, psychopaths, and murders with no one but Evelyn to rely on is a hard life with a short life expectancy.  Evelyn, as you might have guessed, is his car.  And much to my delight, it’s a Subaru WRX from the early 2000s, the time around which new car production would have halted (which left the production team some serious restraints to have to work around, I imagine, and as a bit of a car nerd myself, I think they did a great job managing all that).  Evelyn’s been with him since day one, at least from what he can remember.  Along the way, he encounters a woman who has had a run-in with the ruthless Agent Stone, played by Thomas Haden Church (Wake Up Dead Man, Wings), a police officer from before The Fall who has taken it upon himself to restore law and order to the United States.  As you can imagine, like anyone who touts law and order as a platform, his form of justice involves a great deal of fascism, hypocrisy, corruption, and cowardice.  But he kills this woman’s brother and she’s pretty damn mad about it.  Quiet, as John Doe comes to call her because of her refusal to speak to him, really wants one thing and that’s revenge.  When Quiet does speak, though, she’s also the incredibly talented Stephanie Beatriz (Brooklyn 99, Encanto), who really gets to flex those Rosa Diaz muscles while also still playing a character who gets to occasionally be silly and goofy.  She’s holding a lot of darkness inside, but there’s a lot more to her character than just brooding.  I love this casting choice, I’ll watch Stephanie Beatriz in anything and she always shines.  If you haven’t seen the Encanto live show on Disney+ yet, I highly recommend it.  Hearing her voice in Encanto is one thing, but watching her be Mirabel live on stage is another.  That Twisted Metal got such an S-tier talent to play alongside the MCU’s new Captain America should hint at just how serious the show is about delivering quality.

Drive-thru windows are high stakes

John also only wants one thing and Raven, played by Neve Campbell (Scream, The Lincoln Lawyer), essentially the mayor of New San Francisco offers it to him.  You see, milkmen are essential for these walled cities to exchange goods, but every city has one immutable rule.  No one from the outside is allowed in.  That includes milkmen, whether they’re delivering life saving medicine or a pint of ice cream, they’ve got to leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of there like a DoorDash driver running from attack dogs.  So Raven offers him a deal.  Go get a package from the mysterious Calypso and deliver it to her within the given timeframe and she’ll not only let him in the walls, she’ll give him a home.  While I consider my car my spiritual home, it’s not an actual home; it lacks things like bathrooms and easily accessible seating, and I have no idea where I’d put my PS5.  One more delivery for a place to live.  A place to build, a place where people don’t shoot at you all the time.  I mean, it’s a no-brainer, right?  There can’t possibly be a catch either, she’s the mayor.  Or, technically, the Chief Operating Officer.  So yeah, with a corporate structure in politics, there’s really no room for backstabbing.  Too many checks and balances.  Definitely nothing for John to worry about, right?

This must be what it feels like trying to deliver food to Mark and Patricia McCloskey

So now our heroes are set upon their mission.  A home for John, revenge for Quiet.  And on these parallel journeys, we get to meet loads of totally outrageous characters.  Sweet Tooth sticks out the most of these figures; the aforementioned clown.  I don’t feel particularly one way or another about clowns.  I mean, if I had to say, I’m probably not a fan, but they don’t upset or scare me (unless I saw one standing in a field; I’m glad that trend is over).  I’d be scared of Sweet Tooth.  He’s utterly psychotic, a deranged killer, and, frankly, his act could use some work.  Sweet Tooth is played by Joe Seanoa, better known as wrestler Samoa Joe, and voiced by G.O.B. Bluth himself, Will Arnett (Arrested Development, Murderville).  I could go on about all the crazy cameos and supporting actors you’ll see in the series, including SNL’s Chloe Fineman, Brooklyn 99’s Jason Mantzoukas, Barry’s Anthony Carrigan, and others.  But the standouts are Stu, played by Mike Mitchell (Love, Brooklyn 99), and second season addition Mayhem, played by relative newcomer Saylor Bell Curda (High School Musical: The Musical: The Series).  And if I kept going about who you’ll see, I’ll never get to the action.

Leaving the Disney World parking lot in summertime is for real

Because there is lots of action and it is completely bonkers.  A clown van with rocket launchers is a common sight in this show.  The vehicular combat is a unique combination of traditional car chases, Ken Block-style gymkhana freestyle driving, and pirate-like naval battles.  It is so much fun to watch as the cars and bullets and bombs do whatever is going to look coolest at any given moment.  Physics and anything that happens in the show have only a very loose relationship and that’s fine by me.  The combat feels like a live action cartoon, anything can and does happen and it’s colorful and fun and absolutely wild.  Bullets have a mind of their own and they hit whatever they’re going to hit based on what works for the narrative in that scene, like Westworld with cars, and it just doesn’t matter.  Because it makes the 12-year-old me that used to jump into the Lucky and Wild arcade cabinet the second he got the chance (that still lives in a small corner of my brain where I don’t constantly worry about the world) happy.  It’s like Hanna-Barbera’s Wacky Races, but live action and with lots more explosions.  But what separates Twisted Metal from lesser attempts at appeasing the teenage brain is its depth.  As much as it can be approached as a total turn-your-brain-off TV show, Twisted Metal isn’t devoid of a story.  It has a lot to say about division, about community, about needing each other.  It’s a surprisingly wholesome and heartfelt murderfest and the characters are genuinely real.  They’re three-dimensional, they have stories that need to be told, and they’re complicated.  They have differing motivations that are often at odds with one another and even at odds within themselves, and yet there are tales of cooperation and tales of redemption to be found here.  But none of that weighs the series down.  It gives it weight, yes, but it never gets in the way of the fun.  Unlike some shows that try to inject depth by alternating between action and soap opera scenes, Twisted Metal layers the depth in as the plot moves forward, never trading fun for good storytelling.

I know no shirt can get cold, but if Sweet Tooth needs to warm up, he can always light his head on fire

Bad can be fun; just look at how many times I defend 2 Fast 2 Furious in this blog, and, I dare say, to the United Nations or any governing body if called upon.  But Twisted Metal isn’t just good, it’s better than it has any right to be.  This should be stupid.  It should be bad.  It should try to appeal to my basest instincts and lizard brain in the cheapest and worst way.  But it doesn’t.  It delights the inner child while telling a grown-up story and I love it for that.  It’s probably not one to watch with kids, though; some things can get quite bizarre in a world without order, there’s a ton violence and gore, and lots of profanity, and as such, it’s rated TV-MA.  Again, I’ve not become a parent in the last few weeks, so I’m leaving the judgment calls in your capable hands.  Two seasons are currently streaming on Peacock, for a total of 22 episodes that run about half an hour each, give or take.  And it’s officially been renewed for a third season set to film this year, so no fear of hopping into the passenger seat of a car heading off a cliff.  Twisted Metal may not resemble a summer vacation in the Family Truckster, but it’s a great summer watch.

Remember, post-apocalypse, anyone using religious iconography is always super dangerous. Simpsons was spot on about that