Pedal of Honor

Link to the audio version of this post is HERE

I never much cared for summer, if I’m being honest with you.  It gets really hot and I’ve never liked the heat, and summers seem only hotter and longer than they were when I was a kid.  So these days, I generally dread the return of summer.  There is one tradition I do miss, though.  The summer road trip.  Piling everyone into the car, bags in the back, the open road between walled cities in a post-apocalyptic hellscape where every mile of open road is an ambush waiting to happen, and a society that’s been dead since the early 2000s.  I promise I’m talking about a TV show and not reality.  Let’s get into the Peacock original series Twisted Metal.

The only image I can remember from my 6th birthday party

When I first heard that there was going to be a TV adaptation of the video game I used play on my PlayStation back when PlayStation didn’t have any numbers after the name, I wasn’t sure it had legs as a narrative vehicle.  It was basically a demolition derby where the cars were all crazy builds that would make Hot Wheels blush.  We’re talking about a clown-themed ice cream van with rocket launchers, a classic yellow checker cab that lobs Molotov cocktails, a car that’s just a man suspended between two large wheels.  These character designs are patently and objectively absurd.  Any suggestion of a story in the games took a backseat, pardon the pun, to the chaotic, explosion-filled gameplay.  It’s only through the series that I learned the game was about some huge tournament someone is holding.

All that didn’t seem like a recipe for much of anything story-wise, but I have to commend what the writers did with the source material.  They took some backgrounds from the levels and some blurbs and scrolls and built a convincing post-apocalyptic United States.  Around 2003, 20 years before the start of the show, “The Fall” occurred, which brought America to its knees.  The division between people becomes irrevocably and physically cemented, as the country is split into those on the inside of large, walled cities that are safe and those who live outside of those cities.  On the outside, we’re talking full on The Walking Dead minus the zombies.  But surviving an apocalypse seems to do strange things to people and many of them have split off into factions that are reminiscent of Mad Max or any other number of post-apocalyptic media out there.  It’s not a terribly original idea, I admit; but execution matters and I’ll get to that in a little bit.  Goods move between the cities by means of outsider couriers called milkmen who take on the dangerous task of navigating these roads to make these “milk runs” and deliver whatever’s needed.  Often these are medical supplies or ammunition or something else these roving groups of ultraviolent nutjobs are in need of, making milkmen targets for every road gang out there.

On tonight’s episode of The Falcon and Rosa Diaz…

Enter John Doe and Evelyn.  John Doe is played by Anthony Mackie (The Hurt Locker, Captain America: The Winter Soldier) and he gets the moniker because at the time of The Fall, he lost his memory.  So he has no recollection of the world before it became the mess it is now.  Well, if that just isn’t utterly relatable.  20 years out on the road, on his own, going on milk run after milk run, facing bandits, thieves, psychopaths, and murders with no one but Evelyn to rely on is a hard life with a short life expectancy.  Evelyn, as you might have guessed, is his car.  And much to my delight, it’s a Subaru WRX from the early 2000s, the time around which new car production would have halted (which left the production team some serious restraints to have to work around, I imagine, and as a bit of a car nerd myself, I think they did a great job managing all that).  Evelyn’s been with him since day one, at least from what he can remember.  Along the way, he encounters a woman who has had a run-in with the ruthless Agent Stone, played by Thomas Haden Church (Wake Up Dead Man, Wings), a police officer from before The Fall who has taken it upon himself to restore law and order to the United States.  As you can imagine, like anyone who touts law and order as a platform, his form of justice involves a great deal of fascism, hypocrisy, corruption, and cowardice.  But he kills this woman’s brother and she’s pretty damn mad about it.  Quiet, as John Doe comes to call her because of her refusal to speak to him, really wants one thing and that’s revenge.  When Quiet does speak, though, she’s also the incredibly talented Stephanie Beatriz (Brooklyn 99, Encanto), who really gets to flex those Rosa Diaz muscles while also still playing a character who gets to occasionally be silly and goofy.  She’s holding a lot of darkness inside, but there’s a lot more to her character than just brooding.  I love this casting choice, I’ll watch Stephanie Beatriz in anything and she always shines.  If you haven’t seen the Encanto live show on Disney+ yet, I highly recommend it.  Hearing her voice in Encanto is one thing, but watching her be Mirabel live on stage is another.  That Twisted Metal got such an S-tier talent to play alongside the MCU’s new Captain America should hint at just how serious the show is about delivering quality.

Drive-thru windows are high stakes

John also only wants one thing and Raven, played by Neve Campbell (Scream, The Lincoln Lawyer), essentially the mayor of New San Francisco offers it to him.  You see, milkmen are essential for these walled cities to exchange goods, but every city has one immutable rule.  No one from the outside is allowed in.  That includes milkmen, whether they’re delivering life saving medicine or a pint of ice cream, they’ve got to leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of there like a DoorDash driver running from attack dogs.  So Raven offers him a deal.  Go get a package from the mysterious Calypso and deliver it to her within the given timeframe and she’ll not only let him in the walls, she’ll give him a home.  While I consider my car my spiritual home, it’s not an actual home; it lacks things like bathrooms and easily accessible seating, and I have no idea where I’d put my PS5.  One more delivery for a place to live.  A place to build, a place where people don’t shoot at you all the time.  I mean, it’s a no-brainer, right?  There can’t possibly be a catch either, she’s the mayor.  Or, technically, the Chief Operating Officer.  So yeah, with a corporate structure in politics, there’s really no room for backstabbing.  Too many checks and balances.  Definitely nothing for John to worry about, right?

This must be what it feels like trying to deliver food to Mark and Patricia McCloskey

So now our heroes are set upon their mission.  A home for John, revenge for Quiet.  And on these parallel journeys, we get to meet loads of totally outrageous characters.  Sweet Tooth sticks out the most of these figures; the aforementioned clown.  I don’t feel particularly one way or another about clowns.  I mean, if I had to say, I’m probably not a fan, but they don’t upset or scare me (unless I saw one standing in a field; I’m glad that trend is over).  I’d be scared of Sweet Tooth.  He’s utterly psychotic, a deranged killer, and, frankly, his act could use some work.  Sweet Tooth is played by Joe Seanoa, better known as wrestler Samoa Joe, and voiced by G.O.B. Bluth himself, Will Arnett (Arrested Development, Murderville).  I could go on about all the crazy cameos and supporting actors you’ll see in the series, including SNL’s Chloe Fineman, Brooklyn 99’s Jason Mantzoukas, Barry’s Anthony Carrigan, and others.  But the standouts are Stu, played by Mike Mitchell (Love, Brooklyn 99), and second season addition Mayhem, played by relative newcomer Saylor Bell Curda (High School Musical: The Musical: The Series).  And if I kept going about who you’ll see, I’ll never get to the action.

Leaving the Disney World parking lot in summertime is for real

Because there is lots of action and it is completely bonkers.  A clown van with rocket launchers is a common sight in this show.  The vehicular combat is a unique combination of traditional car chases, Ken Block-style gymkhana freestyle driving, and pirate-like naval battles.  It is so much fun to watch as the cars and bullets and bombs do whatever is going to look coolest at any given moment.  Physics and anything that happens in the show have only a very loose relationship and that’s fine by me.  The combat feels like a live action cartoon, anything can and does happen and it’s colorful and fun and absolutely wild.  Bullets have a mind of their own and they hit whatever they’re going to hit based on what works for the narrative in that scene, like Westworld with cars, and it just doesn’t matter.  Because it makes the 12-year-old me that used to jump into the Lucky and Wild arcade cabinet the second he got the chance (that still lives in a small corner of my brain where I don’t constantly worry about the world) happy.  It’s like Hanna-Barbera’s Wacky Races, but live action and with lots more explosions.  But what separates Twisted Metal from lesser attempts at appeasing the teenage brain is its depth.  As much as it can be approached as a total turn-your-brain-off TV show, Twisted Metal isn’t devoid of a story.  It has a lot to say about division, about community, about needing each other.  It’s a surprisingly wholesome and heartfelt murderfest and the characters are genuinely real.  They’re three-dimensional, they have stories that need to be told, and they’re complicated.  They have differing motivations that are often at odds with one another and even at odds within themselves, and yet there are tales of cooperation and tales of redemption to be found here.  But none of that weighs the series down.  It gives it weight, yes, but it never gets in the way of the fun.  Unlike some shows that try to inject depth by alternating between action and soap opera scenes, Twisted Metal layers the depth in as the plot moves forward, never trading fun for good storytelling.

I know no shirt can get cold, but if Sweet Tooth needs to warm up, he can always light his head on fire

Bad can be fun; just look at how many times I defend 2 Fast 2 Furious in this blog, and, I dare say, to the United Nations or any governing body if called upon.  But Twisted Metal isn’t just good, it’s better than it has any right to be.  This should be stupid.  It should be bad.  It should try to appeal to my basest instincts and lizard brain in the cheapest and worst way.  But it doesn’t.  It delights the inner child while telling a grown-up story and I love it for that.  It’s probably not one to watch with kids, though; some things can get quite bizarre in a world without order, there’s a ton violence and gore, and lots of profanity, and as such, it’s rated TV-MA.  Again, I’ve not become a parent in the last few weeks, so I’m leaving the judgment calls in your capable hands.  Two seasons are currently streaming on Peacock, for a total of 22 episodes that run about half an hour each, give or take.  And it’s officially been renewed for a third season set to film this year, so no fear of hopping into the passenger seat of a car heading off a cliff.  Twisted Metal may not resemble a summer vacation in the Family Truckster, but it’s a great summer watch.

Remember, post-apocalypse, anyone using religious iconography is always super dangerous. Simpsons was spot on about that

The Stage of Innocence

Link to the audio version of this post is HERE

It’s rare to see a debut film done this well

Oh, summer love.  It comes for us all and often in unexpected ways and not always with people who are age-appropriate, especially as you get to that age where you start noticing…things.  Sometimes though, when the sun gets high and that summer heat starts to mess with your head, you make a fool out of yourself.  But that’s all part of growing up, right?  Let’s get into the delightful 2024 indie, Griffin in Summer.

We open at the school talent show on the last day of the year.  A young couple is singing a cliched and romantic song poorly to rousing applause.  Then it’s Griffin’s turn.  He’s performing an excerpt from his original play that he’s writing.  I want to be completely clear and not hyperbolic about this scene.  I was cracking up from start to finish.  When I thought Griffin was doing a monologue, it was already funny, but when he took a step and turned to talk to his last position, becoming a second character, I lost it laughing.  It’s an amazing tone-setter for the whole movie.  The subject matter of the play isn’t kid stuff at all, which adds so much to the comedy.  It’s the opposite dynamic you see from Jason Bateman in Bad Words; here it’s the kid who’s too grown up for the situation and that makes so much of his every movement and mannerism so funny.  Griffin is clearly gifted and very intelligent.  And socially, he’s…well awkward isn't the right word, because he’s not low on confidence, nor does he appear to have any anxiety about social interactions or performing in front of all of his classmates.  I suppose he’s socially uninterested or apathetic.  All that matters is the play.  He’s 14-years-old and he’s not an aspiring playwright.  No, he already is one.

The quintessential summer activity: production meetings held in a basement

But things start to change when his mom Helen, whom he calls by her first name every time but once in the movie, hires Brad, the 25-year-old son of one of her friends, to help out while Griffin’s father is away.  Helen, played by Melanie Lynskey (Yellowjackets, The Last of Us), always appears to be just a little bit too busy and a tad bit overwhelmed, and she needs help with some of the DIY work around the house.  Brad is played by Owen Teague (Task, It: Chapter Two) and he’s just moved back to their sleepy little suburb after a spell in Bushwick, living as a performance artist who took his shot and missed.  Griffin, played by Everett Blunck (The Audacity, The Plague), is annoyed by Brad’s presence at first, especially as the noise he makes and the music he listens to disrupts Griffin’s creative process. And as he explains to Brad, in possibly the funniest line in the movie, this is his place of business.  Brad is uncooperative; although to be fair, when you’ve been hired to do light handyman work, it’s not really a silent gig.  Griffin’s disdain turns to something else, however, when, on a hot summer day, Brad takes his shirt off and it awakens something in Griffin.  From there an infatuation grows that threatens the play and his relationship with all his friends.

The cast is rounded out by Abby Ryder Fortson as Kara, the director of the play and Griffin’s best friend, and Kathryn Newton as Chloe either of whom you might have seen playing Cassie Lang, depending on which Ant-Man you’re watching, as well as child actors Alivia Bellamy, Johanna Colón, and Gordon Rocks, who are Griffin’s actors.  Child actors can be hit or miss and while Griffin and Kara are the meatiest roles of the kids, the rest of them do a wonderful job as well.  I think the highest praise I can give to the actors and the writing is that it never felt like I was watching actors acting, but rather kids being kids.  They felt completely natural and I think that’s pretty impressive for such young actors.  Daniel Radcliffe may be killing it in Reggie Dinkins, but when he was this age, he never seemed so natural.  It should also be said that Griffin in Summer is the feature debut for writer/director Nicholas Colia and I can’t be more excited to see where he goes from here.  I think this could be the launch (so to speak, this movie is based on his own previous short) of a very promising filmmaker from whom I want to see more.

As I mentioned earlier, Griffin is working on his play, “Regrets of Autumn”, which is why he’s so prickly at Brad’s disruptions.  He’s put himself under a lot of pressure; this isn’t just some theoretical play he’s writing, he’s not putting on something for school.  He wants to stage this play with his friends as the actors.  So much comedy stems from this play and I’m here for it.  This is a very serious play he’s coming up with, there’s no kid stuff here.  Griffin, like many other writers and creative types, especially at that age, is highly influenced by life around him and when you’re 14, most of life around you is your home.  Helen is largely on her own and you get clues throughout the movie that her husband, Griffin’s dad, isn’t just away for work.  There’s something deeper and darker going on in their marriage and it’s clearly leading Griffin to write a play about a long relationship that blossomed from two young lovers meeting in college to a hateful, spiteful portrait of love turned to disgust.  He certainly gets some of the details of adult life wrong in his writing, but that’s to be expected and very funny when you notice it.  Despite that, he’s got a pretty strong grasp of the complicated relationship dynamics that change as time continues to weather us.  There’s a lot of precocious writing of young people who are “old souls” who are just into whatever the author is into, so you see a lot of young heroes who are deeply into classic rock and Teddy Roosevelt-style self-reliance.  But you don’t get that here; Griffin’s grown-up demeanor never feels fake or hollow, rather he comes across as a serious kid.  Which I totally get because I was also a serious kid who had to learn to lighten up as I got to be around his age.

Poker face, Griffin. Poker face!

Part of this movie is Griffin learning to understand himself.  It’s noticeable just how much he changes as the film progresses.  At the beginning, Griffin is very buttoned down, both literally and figuratively.  He’s a 14-year-old boy who wears button-down shirts tightly tucked into his ironed shorts.  As his feelings for Brad grow, you get to see how much Brad’s influence changes Griffin.  He eventually starts wearing t-shirts and not even tucking them in.  It’s fluid visual storytelling.  One of the things that I really love about this movie is how different the story focus is from what it would have been if it were made 30 or even 20 years ago.  Maybe even 10 years ago.  I don’t know if Griffin noticing Brad is the first time Griffin is realizing that he might be gay or whether it’s his first awakening of any kind and, frankly, that’s not the story.  30 years ago, this would have been a movie about a misunderstood suburban kid struggling with his sexuality and it would have been the conversation. 

Kathryn Newton continues to shine playing plucky characters. Should I watch the third Ant-Man movie?

But here, in this movie made in 2024, it’s not a shock, it’s not a surprise, his sexuality’s validity isn’t questioned or challenged.  It’s simply never an issue, which is so refreshing.  I didn’t specifically choose this movie to write about during Pride, but I’m so glad that I found it now.  I love seeing depictions of diversity like this where it’s just a thing that’s there and it’s not controversial.  There are kids out there everyday learning that they are or might be LGBT+ and that’s completely normal and it’s important that there’s not just positive media about vulnerable people getting to be who they are, but also media that treats it neutrally.  Perhaps neutral isn’t the right word for it, so to clarify, I mean something where an LGBT+ character just gets to exist and be themselves.  Where it’s just a fact.  Griffin’s sexuality isn’t up for debate.  He’s developed feelings for the person he has feelings for and it’s as simple as that.  It’s so refreshing to me to see a story like this because we need all kinds and the reactions that I’ve seen to this year’s Pride Month should stand as a testament to just how important both Pride and media depictions of the LGBT+ community and the individuals who make it are.  You can write a Bible verse on a hat and dominate the social media space for days, but acceptance of who people are is always going to be more powerful.  And as long as people keep trying, as long as those outside of vulnerable communities continue to stand alongside them and accept them and fight on their behalf, we can always push towards more acceptance and more inclusion.  And I think that’s really cool.

Oh boy was I worried about this scene, but everything turned out fine.

I’m including Griffin in Summer in my light summer fun block because it is light summer fun, but that doesn’t mean it’s meaningless.  I laughed consistently from start to finish and often with full wholehearted laughter.  But it also handles very sensitive issues with aplomb and in a way that’s not just very well done, but also inspiring.  Inspiring to me as a writer, inspiring to me as a member of society who generally wants life to be better for people, and inspiring to me as a person who is learning and growing even now well into adulthood.  I know, at times, and when I look at my Letterboxd account, that I tend to be either enthusiastic about the movies I share or extremely down on them.  And part of that is by design.  You can hop on Rotten Tomatoes to get dozens of one-liners about the slew of mediocre films that studios push out to us on a weekly basis, but you’re here instead, reading or listening to 2000ish words about a movie that’s only 93 minutes long.  But one of the reasons I do this is to share with you great things that you might have missed.  I’m not going to seek out the next C-movie that gets middling reviews and a middling audience reaction (though I will happily tear down big money movies that force-feed us slop in an attempt to turn our brains into so much foie gras), but I want to find movies that I love that I hope you’ll love as well.  Or at least appreciate.  And this is one of them.  It was just a moment that I scrolled through my Hulu app and found this little indie and took a shot, just like the cast and crew did when they made it.  And I am so glad that I did.  Because this really is a great coming-of-age story that deserves to be celebrated.  If I can be a small part of that then I’ll be quite happy to spread the word.    

Helen tries to explain to Brad why Godzilla Minus One was a better movie about the bomb than Oppenheimer

Griffin in Summer is such a lovely, wholesome, and funny movie that’s so relatable.  I mean, we’ve all had completely inappropriate summer crushes and sometimes make a fool of ourselves in the process.  I remember mine.  I was a little younger than Griffin and, so stereotypically, she was a camp counselor.  And blonde and British.  It would never had worked.  I was 12 and not allowed to ride my bike on major roads, let alone trying to ride across the Atlantic.  I’m not a boat scientist, a boatologist, if you will, but I now have serious doubts as to whether a 10-speed mountain bike is the ideal choice for a solo transatlantic journey.  But watching Griffin go through the stages of this boyhood crush juxtaposed with the very serious and grown-up subject matter of his play just so wonderfully captures what it’s like to be at that age and what it’s like to feel things that are brand new to you.  Griffin grows throughout the movie in a really fun way that I think a lot of people will appreciate and see themselves in.  Griffin in Summer is not rated, but there’s no nudity or graphic violence, and other than a few (mostly very fun) swears, it’s largely family friendly.  At 93 minutes and streaming on Hulu and Disney+, it’s a quick film that captures a snapshot of a moment in life that so many of us go through and a lovely reminder of the innocence of a good summer crush.

Yeah, I get it kid, I hated being forced to swim too. I’m like Ben Shapiro’s wife, I don’t get wet.

Legends of the Ball

Link to the audio version of this post is HERE

Once every 4 years…it’s basically the plot to Mortal Kombat, but on a huge scale

I’m going to do something I basically never do in this blog and talk about sports.  If you came here hoping to tune into another deep dive analysis of a piece of media you may not know about, don’t worry.  Regularly scheduled service will resume later this week, this is just a bonus.  Light summer fun is just a few days away.  But amidst global chaos, a group of nations has assembled squads to come together at the epicenter of that chaos for the first time since 1994 and play a game.  But somehow through this assembly of 22 men running up and down a patch of grass, so many compelling storylines emerge that go beyond just the nations’ pride.  It’s the biggest event in world football and perhaps the biggest event in sport.  And yes, I’m going to call it football throughout; as someone who wakes up early 38 weekends a year to watch the English Premier League, the terminology has stuck.  So lace up your boots and get on the pitch, I’m putting on the armband to lead you through this.  Let’s get into the World Cup.

Defending champions Argentina and their talisman Lionel Messi are back for more [photo from last World Cup]

It’s a new format for the once-every-four-year football tournament, but I’m not going to bore you with the details of how the tournament is organized.  There are plenty of sports outlets who are more than capable of explaining all that to you and more about who’s in it.  They’ll undoubtedly talk about the controversies, from astronomical ticket prices to ICE presence at the stadiums (well, maybe the sports outlets might ignore this part), to the use of video-assisted refereeing (VAR, or replay review), to the water breaks.  I won’t go into any of those either, that’s a conversation I want to have, but right now I want to focus on the positive.  I don’t even want to talk about the usual poor choice of commentators by Fox, bringing people who try to make it sound like a hockey game (no offense to hockey, but you guys have your own sport; and if I’m being honest, most of the commentators have been pretty good so far).  But I will say that water breaks are fantastic and necessary for the health and safety of the players, but the way they’ve been implemented in this World Cup is disgraceful.  Only in America has it been turned into a commercial break, that’s far longer than necessary, for the good of the advertisers and broadcasting companies only.  And if you want a real deep dive of the emotional conflict of being a football fan during the World Cup, I will direct you to John Oliver’s segments about it, because he’s done it the best and I sign on to just about every word he says about FIFA.  And I’ve gone pretty deep into the crimes of FIFA; I even wrote a paper about FIFA corruption and the World Cup in law school.  But this isn’t about FIFA.  It’s about football and the stories that make it what it is.

Raul Jimenez scored his first goal for Mexico in a truly touching moment

In 2020, Mexican striker Raul Jimenez was on top of the world.  An underrated striker, in my opinion, he had just signed a new contract, a four year deal, with Wolverhampton Wanderers, at the time a Prem side.  But shortly after, in a clash with Arsenal’s David Luiz, he split his skull open and had to be stretchered off for life-saving surgery.  His road to recovery was long and never fully complete, as he still has to wear protective headgear to play.  Jimenez is 35-years-old, ancient in footballing terms, especially for a striker.  And on the opening night of this tournament, he scored his first World Cup goal.  This in itself was a joyous moment, one that I was happy to have witnessed.  I always rated Jimenez and he seemed likable, at least from his on-the-pitch persona.  So it felt great to see that for him.  The opening match was held in Mexico, in front of a crowd of 80,000 people (more than half the population of Curaçao, the smallest nation to ever be in the World Cup), all screaming and cheering and chanting for him as he not only scored his first World Cup goal, he also became Mexico’s joint second highest ever goalscorer.  And then legendary player and now-commentator Thierry Henry (Ted Lasso) pointed out that when Jimenez scored, he looked straight to the stands.  And when he didn’t see the person he wanted to see there, he looked up to the sky in tears.  Henry was in tears himself as he explained this and shortly after, so was I.  Jimenez was looking for his father.  His biggest fan.  But his father passed away three months ago at just 62-years-old.  What a moment of pure humanity.  The unleashing of emotions, the feeling of joy tempered by the pain of joy not shared with the ones who are gone.  It was a moment that made me call my mom, just to talk.

Robbo’s always a goofball who gives everything. How can you not love that?

I need to take you back to England now, but we’ll end up in Scotland (well, Boston) in a moment.  I found a player in FIFA, a left back playing for Hull City.  I needed a backup, so I got him.  And he was good.  And then I started talking about him.  About how Liverpool (the club in the Premier League that I support) needed to go and get him in real life because I thought he had incredible potential.  Then in July of 2017, Liverpool did exactly that and signed Andy Robertson for a paltry £8m.  That seems like a lot, but in the world of club football, that’s pocket change for a top team.  Over the years at the club, he rose to not only be arguably the best left back in the world in his prime, but also one of my favorite players.  He was a leader on the pitch and goofball off it and he always played with more passion for the game and the club and the fans than I can comprehend.  He’s left the club now, but that doesn’t change how I feel about him.  He’s Scotland’s captain.  Liverpool’s former vice captain. 

And a little under a year ago, teammate Diogo Jota died in a car accident with his brother.  Robbo, as we affectionately call him, was incredibly close to Jota.  Liverpool retired Jota’s number.  Robbo tried to play on.  I know he thinks about Jota every time his boots touch a blade of grass because he’s said as much in interviews.  The club struggled all season for a number of reasons and he eventually departed at the end of the season.  But on Saturday he took to pitch once again, this time wearing the captain’s armband for his nation as he led them to their first World Cup in 28 years.  They have never advanced beyond the group stage.  And like he always did in a Liverpool shirt, Andy Robertson ran up and down every blade of grass on that pitch as he and his teammates won their opening match 1-0 against a marauding Haiti.  I don’t know if Scotland will make it past the group stage this year, it’s a tough group they’re in.  But when that scrappy John McGinn shot went into the back of the net for Scotland, I painted my face blue and white and screamed and swung a giant sword around like goddamn Braveheart.

Curaçao lost 7-1 to Germany, but they came out like the riders of Rohan

And as I’m writing this right now, I’ve just watched World Cup giants Germany handily dispatch of Curaçao, a nation that has had a baseball player get to the Hall of Fame before they, as a nation, got to the World Cup.  Germany has outclassed them on almost every level, as to be expected.  But Curaçao did something nobody expected them to do, certainly something I never expected them to do.  They scored a goal.  People like to rag on football for being low scoring and that can be fair sometimes when two teams come out and the whole game plan is to just not concede a goal.  But that’s not what this match was.  It was two attacking teams, two teams representing their homes who came to play on the biggest stage they’ve ever seen. 

The Curaçao squad is nearly 0.02% of the nation’s population

During the match, one of the commentators mentioned that since arriving in the United States, some of the Curaçao players have seen freeways for the first time.  And they stepped into the ring with heavyweights and punched them in the nose.  Sure, they lost the fight.  But they stood up and took the fight to the four time World Cup winners and they drew blood.  It’s further proof that succeeding is nowhere near as important as trying and Curaçao put on an inspirational fight against insurmountable odds and unlike the movies, they lost.  There was no miracle for them like the US hockey team.  They didn’t beat 5000-to-1 odds like Leicester did when they won the Premier League.  But they took to the pitch with heads held high and they didn’t let the size of the spectacle freeze them in place.  They didn’t let the quality and talent of the German opposition put them in their shell.  They fought.  From the first whistle to the last.  For 17 amazing minutes, they held the line.  1-1.  And for the rest, they stood up.  And if that doesn’t make you want to do the same, well, I’m not sure what to tell you.  But if ever I can say, in the face of defeat, that I fought from the first moment to the last, then I will count myself proud.  As should every single player who wears the shirt for Curaçao and the roughly 155,000 people from this tiny nation.  Because the scoreline didn’t matter in this match.  Not Germany’s half, anyway.  But that little “1” next to Curaçao on the scoreboard, well, that matters a great deal.  It’s that little “1” that makes football great.

Flo Balogun, no relation to Flo from the Progressive Insurance ads

And even here, in this nation now steeped in turmoil, when many seek to divide and build UFC octagons where there used to be no UFC octagons, a young man called Folarin Balogun scored a brace in the US’s opening match.  Two goals.  Flo, as they call him, was born in the United States to Nigerian parents and grew up in London.  The way eligibility works, Balogun could have played for the United States, England, or Nigeria.  But he decided to commit to the United States, a nation of immigrants and their children.  And in doing so, at this World Cup, in front of fans paying exorbitant prices for tickets and $6 a gallon for gas, a populace more divided than ever in my lifetime, this birthright citizen became the first American to score more than one goal in a World Cup match since 1930.  Nearly a century since an American scored a brace and it was this young man, with family all over the world, who has faced racial abuse from so-called USMNT fans, who did it.  For those with a sense of history, 1930 was the first World Cup.  So from the first one until now, it hasn’t been done.  Until this child of three nations came here and did it.  He was assisted by Malik Tillman, an American player, born and raised in Germany to an American serviceman and a German mother.  Also assisted by Christian Pulisic, USMNT’s golden boy from the home of American chocolate, Hershey, Pennsylvania.  My own backyard, the place where I went on my first rollercoaster.  A testament to the power of sport to unite even in the face of truly insidious divisive acts.

Balogun and his teammates celebrate history being made on the laces of his boots

Look, it’s true that I’m slightly embarrassed by much I love football and the World Cup, but I do love it.  It matters to me, it’s special to me for some reason, the same way the Olympics are special to people.  Maybe it was ambitious to set out and try to get some of you to love football the way I do.  But I love movies and shows because the stories they tell are so human and so real, even though they’re fake.  They remind us that what it means to be human has nothing to do with our jobs, our income, how tall we are, or any of the other inconsequential and meaningless things we value too much in the world.  There’s so much beauty in film because ultimately, the movies are about us and we can be pretty damn beautiful to each other when we try.  And here, on the grandest sporting stage in the world, there are compelling stories of humanity everywhere you look.  If you’re already a football fan, you know what I’m talking about.  If you’re not, it’s my sincere hope that this turns you into one, though I admit that’s a very long shot.  That’s aiming for the moon with a paper airplane, I know.  But if I can’t do that, then I hope you at least give the World Cup a try.  Watch it with friends or alone, watch it at a bar, watch it in a hotel lobby in Bucharest like I did once.  But let yourself feel what they’re feeling; the players, the fans.  Soak it all in.  Because there’s a lot of beauty here too.  And when you really let yourself experience it, it’s a wonderful feeling.

And while writing this, Japan, my home away from home, came back to get an unlikely draw against the Netherlands.

Also, while I’m here, since I may never talk about sports again in this blog, congratulations to the New York Knicks for winning their first NBA title in 53 years.  From me to all you New Yorkers out there, that’s quite an accomplishment.  I’ll be checking the headlines to see if you party as hard as we do when the Eagles win though.

Seriously, Thierry Henry. Stop making me cry.

Drag(on) Race

Link to the audio version of this post is HERE

It’s been a couple of weeks, but captions are back! Let’s see if I can write any funny ones this time

Nothing says summer quite like an island getaway, does it?  Think about it; when you’re on an island, there’s a beach in every direction.  You could spin around blindfolded, stop and walk a straight line, and you’d eventually hit the ocean.  Take the blindfold off before you start walking though, it would be hazardous otherwise.  Picture it.  The wind in your hair, the sand in your boots, and your dragon’s saddle freshly conditioned beneath you.  Last week we had one last day of school for the grown-ups, this week I present to you a show you might have missed that will keep both you and your kids entertained this summer.  It’s even a property you’re likely to recognize.  Let’s get into the How to Train Your Dragon spin-off series, Dreamworks Dragons: Race to the Edge.

My morning commute has never been this exciting. Well, there was that one time I was stuck in traffic behind a helicopter, that was interesting

You know How to Train Your Dragon already, I’m sure.  I remember seeing it for the first time in undergrad and going back to the theaters to see it again.  I hadn’t seen an animated film that was so imaginative and gorgeous up until that point, it demanded repeat viewings.  In case you need a crash course, there are vikings (who mostly sound Scottish as adults and American when younger) and there are dragons and they were enemies for a very long time.  Cue young Hiccup, a slight boy who never really fit in and couldn’t bring himself to kill a dragon, inadvertently befriending one, a Night Fury called Toothless, and then changing the relationship between vikings and dragons forever.  Lovely set of movies, really worth watching if you haven’t already.  I don’t normally tell you to watch something you’ve already seen, so why Race to the Edge?  Well, it’s a Netflix spin-off series based on the beloved film series based on the beloved novel series by Cressida Cowell and it takes place between the first and second movies.  So you still get all your favorite characters and their dragons, while enriching the world of the series.

Saved by the Night Fury: The College Years

What this does is give the series incredible and noticeable connection and continuity with film series.  Which isn’t always easy to pull off.  The Penguins of Madagascar series was almost entirely unrelated to the Madagascar movies (although I did find it more entertaining than the movies, the penguins were the best part; but strangely the Penguins movie was just okay).  The Last Wish is an incredible movie, but Netflix’s The Adventures of Puss-in-Boots series was borderline unwatchable.  Camp Cretaceous and Chaos Theory were pretty damn good cartoons in their own right, with lots of redeeming qualities and surprisingly much more cohesive storytelling than the Jurassic World movies on which they’re based, but, rightfully so, they felt nothing like the movies. There are new villains and a slew of new dragons, sure.  However, Race to the Edge doesn’t feel like a spin-off to the movies, it doesn’t feel like it’s inspired by the movies; it feels like more of the movies.  And for me, since I love the movies, it’s a really welcomed addition.  The animation quality isn’t as good as the films, of course, but it does improve as the seasons progress and it’s never really an issue (whereas some of these animated spin-off shows can have animation quality and frame rates that make my eyes feel like they can’t focus).  So while it won’t look as crisp as the films, it still feels like them.

If it’s got wings, he’ll fly it, but I’m not sure a sword’s crossguard counts

A lot of that has to do with the returning and replacement cast.  Jay Baruchel (Tropic Thunder, Man Seeking Woman) returns as Hiccup, of course, and so does America Ferrara (Barbie, Superstore), reprising her role as Astrid.  As does Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Fright Night, Role Models) as Fishlegs.  That’s really exciting, to hear that core cast of characters in their movie-accurate voices.  As for the rest of the dragon riders, it’s a little more mixed.  TJ Miller also returns as Tuffnut, but I’d have been happier had he been replaced.  Subbing in for Kristen Wiig is Andree Vermeulen (Angie Tribeca) as Ruffnut, Zack Pearlman (The Intern) for Jonah Hill as Snotlout, Nolan North (Nathan Drake in Uncharted) for Gerard Butler as Stoick, and journeyman VA Chris Edgerly as Gobber instead of Craig Ferguson.  And they all do excellent jobs standing-in, to the point that it took me some time to parse out who was new.  With enough of the film actors doing voices here, any slight differences are hard to get bothered about.  The show also adds the voice acting talents of Mae Whitman (Arrested Development, Good Girls), David Faustino (Married…With Children, The Legend of Korra), and even Alfred Molina (Spider-Man 2, Show Me a Hero), and others through the series.  It’s not like you’ll be dazzled by the big names, but when I heard Alfred Molina’s voice for the first time, it was a real treat.  Suffice it to say, the voice acting across the series is top notch.

It’s true; Vikings did invent laser light shows

But more important than all that is how well the show is written.  I really shouldn’t be surprised considering the strength of the films, but I don’t really have the best relationship with DreamWorks properties (don’t get me wrong, it’s not like they’re Illumination).  The writing is surprisingly mature, while still being fully kid-friendly.  But because it tackles actual stuff, it’s still an engaging series for adults.  Sure, some of the humor might appeal more to younger brains, but there’s still compelling story here for the characters.  Unlike shows aimed at very young audiences, like the underrated and good for kids Young Jedi Adventures, Race to the Edge doesn’t just aim to teach kids about kindness, empathy, and acceptance, but also tackle the hardships that kids will face as they grow up through adolescence.  Hiccup isn’t perfect.  He doesn’t always win, he doesn’t always make the right decisions, he’s not always perfectly even-keeled.  He loses, he loses his temper.  He has flaws.  Of course when confronted with them, he admits his mistakes and makes changes to his behavior.  In short, he learns lessons when he’s wrong, which is something that not only kids could learn from, but just about every adult I know could benefit from learning to admit they’re wrong and taking steps to rectify them as well.  Hiccup deals with failures and when he’s out of his depth, he’s not afraid to seek help and take the advice given to him.  I didn’t realize I was coming to this conclusion when I started writing, but Hiccup kind of is an amazing role model and represents a kind of masculinity that isn’t toxic.  The world could really use more Hiccups.

Discovery of the “Dragon Eye” leads Hiccup and the riders to new horizons and new enemies and a series of cool new bachelor pads

And the rest of the crew is similarly realized; at least in line with the size of their role.  Astrid is the biggest character after Hiccup and she has some pretty good character arcs centered on her and she has to learn and change as well.  But not everyone gets the exact same treatment; it’s proportional.  Ruffnut doesn’t get the same character growth as Astrid, but she does get character growth.  For a kids’ show sandwiched between the confines of two movies, it does an impressive job in the writing department.  If Agents of SHIELD were written half as well as this, I wouldn’t still be ragging on it years after it went off air.  Hiccup and co. face real hardships and difficulties and they get put in real peril and have to make hard decisions.  Don’t worry, it’s still a kids’ show, it’s not like Hiccup has to decide whether to cure the genophage or not.  And ultimately, as they do in kids’ shows and much less often in real life, the good guys do win out.  But along the way, the riders face antagonists of completely different styles and approaches and challenges that they have to contend with.  It’s not just them finding one small would-be despot after another; there’s real care and variation to whom Hiccup has to go head-to-head with and each one provides new lessons for them, and any viewers child or adult, to learn.

I’m not sure they nailed the album cover shot

That’s one of the things that really impressed me; how the main antagonists change over the course of the series.  A lot of times villains in series are much of a muchness; the character design changes, the voice changes, but the behavior largely stays the same.  Look at how many big bad small time megalomaniacs the crew from The Walking Dead face.  But here, each antagonist brings differing aims and personalities.  And sometimes some big names; perhaps the most memorable villain is Alfred Molina’s Viggo Grimborn, the head of a group of vicious for-profit dragon hunters.  He’s an experienced tactician, the consummate chess player, and he is properly menacing at times.  Viggo’s a better, more fully fleshed out villain than most in the MCU.  And this is a kids’ show.  By DreamWorks.  The same people who made it so I can break out into the first few lines of Smash Mouth at any given time, fully against my will.  But this show is great!  I mean, look, it’s not Severance, but compared to most kids’ media out there today?  This has to go up there with in the vaunted Bluey tier of great shows that are appealing for both kids and adults.  It’s really that good.  And it doesn’t forego the fun for the lessons.  There’s plenty of silly humor and exciting dragon action to keep things light.  It’s been a real pleasure jumping back into the show to write this post because, well, I like it.  I remain a big fan of the movies, I have the LEGO Toothless sitting on my shelf, and well, it’s good stuff.  On every level.  Race to the Edge is the well-balanced meal you’re going to want to eat.

Poker night gets especially contentious when someone forgets the cards

There can be some spooky moments; in one episode, Astrid comes upon a ship full of the dead and dying.  It doesn’t get too explicit, but it’s obvious what’s happening.  There are a number of offscreen deaths; it’s not as if they’re mowing down people left and right, but occasionally there is death and it’s impactful to the story.  There’s plenty talk of death as well though, so maybe kids unfamiliar with the concept are tad bit too young.  Streaming exclusively on Netflix, it’s rated TV-Y7, so, you know, do with that information what you will.  It ran for six seasons, thirteen episodes each, so there are plenty of hours of entertainment for the whole family when the kids are done playing outside.  Do kids still play outside?  Or do they go to like a virtual Topgolf version of the outside?  Toplawn?  I don’t know what kids do.  When I was a kid, I always made excuses to stay inside where it wasn’t 90F+ and I would have loved to watch a show like this one.  Blue skies and coastlines, there are worse ways to spend a summer.  Especially from your air conditioned living room.  Oh yeah, dragons too.  What more could you want?

Someone is getting breaded and fried

And a bonus photo! Apparently this was criticized for being too cute, but can Toothless ever be too cute?