Plight of the Navigator

Well, it happened.  Disney made a Star Wars show for millennials to watch with their kids.  Or, in my case, sitting on my sofa with my notebook, a can of soda, and an individually wrapped string cheese (they’re a good source of calcium and protein, leave me alone).

Star Wars has been through a lot lately.  The sequel trilogy has its detractors from all sides, it seems.  If, like me, you loved The Last Jedi, you probably didn’t like the backtrack that was The Rise of Skywalker, the stone in the pond from which all subsequent properties have suffered its ripple (with shows dedicating entire episodes and story arcs to shoehorning a justification for the lazy “Somehow Palpatine returned” moment into their runs).  If you didn’t like The Last Jedi, there’s still a good chance you didn’t like TROS. But there are plenty of people who liked all three and I am genuinely happy for them.  The Acolyte also had its unfair share of vitriolic detractors, but that’s a topic for another time (though it is one I will get to).

Free of all these trappings, it seems, is the new Disney+ series Skeleton Crew (releasing Tuesday evenings on the streaming service) which centers on a group of children from an ordinary planet thrust into very fantastical circumstances.  And when I say ordinary, I mean really quite ordinary.  You get to see what looks like a very modern suburban development, where kids wake up in beds in houses—not bunks on ships or cots in huts—they brush their teeth and eat cereal, then catch the bus and go to school.  There is a striking mundanity to the lives these people live; if it weren’t for the prevalence of droids and lack of chain restaurants, it could be almost any suburban development in America.  There are some really interesting design elements here; much like the vehicles we’re used to seeing in Star Wars, they hover above the ground, but many of them are connected and run on tram lines, like monorails for the road.  It’s a complete visual contrast to The Mandalorian, which is set in the same time period (after the fall of the Empire and before the New Republic falls to the First Order, or in movie terms, between Return of the Jedi and The Force Awakens).  I really like these time periods between trilogies, such as animated shows The Bad Batch and Rebels, because I think it gives writers a lot of leeway to create original characters and tell stories that aren’t tied to the Skywalker saga, where it seems that the entire fate of the galaxy is tied to two families and the rest of the people in the fight don’t matter at all.  There’s no way we’d get modern houses and buses in something set in the Empire or First Order era. It is very, very refreshing to see a Star Wars story that is not on a desert planet (at least so far), isn’t focused on getting everyone to Tatooine for some reason or another, and is aesthetically different from what we’ve seen so much of already.  But this sort of tranquility isn’t to everyone’s taste, with the very normal yearning for adventure creeping up in young Wim.

Much like the 80s movies from which it draws inspiration, movies like The Goonies, Flight of the Navigator, and Time Bandits, Skeleton Crew is about a group of kids with a fairly stereotypical set of characteristics for this kind of show.  There’s the dreamer with his head in the clouds, always thinking of adventures and becoming a hero, Wim.  There’s Neel, Wim’s scaredy-cat best friend who shares interests with Wim, but not the same desires (also, he’s a little blue alien elephant boy, who, in the grand scheme of things, is no Grogu, but he’s still pretty adorable).  Then there’s the precocious, rebellious Fern, complete with an authority figure for a parent (played by Kerry Condon, which was a bittersweet moment for me, knowing how great of an actress she is and how small of role this may potentially be for her in the Star Wars universe), and the mysterious, but kind-hearted KB who grounds Fern.  Whether these characterizations will deepen as the story unfolds is yet to be seen, but I’m hopeful that things will progress as the series does.

It’s familiar, especially if you grew up with those 1980s Amblin Entertainment movies or even if you’ve watched Stranger Things recently.  But that’s not a bad thing, not inherently.  There’s a lot of fun to be had and lessons to be learned along the way in these kinds of stories if they’re done well.  To paraphrase the comic book series Saga, so many of these children’s stories are the same—you break the rules, things go horribly wrong, the kids come home and realize the rules are there for a reason, but the actual message is that you should break the rules as often as possible because you have your whole life to follow a routine and the chances for adventure are few and far between.  If executed well, familiar isn’t a problem.

Wim is an interesting bag of opposing forces.  No, not light and dark here, even though he wishes he were a Jedi, he doesn’t appear to be Force-sensitive, and rather, is just a normal kid.  But while he yearns for adventure and breaking out of his boring life, he also shows a little envy towards Neel’s family.  Wim is an only child of a workaholic single father with his mother not in the picture (whether she left or died has yet to be revealed) and he has shown some wistful longing when seeing Neel greeted by his parents and siblings as they walk home from school.  Whether this desire for more is Wim’s escapist fantasy for a more fulfilling life because he has to spend so much time on his own or a true calling to buckle some swash across the galaxy, I can’t say quite yet.  So far the series has focused more on him than the other characters, but I imagine we’ll get deeper looks into the lives of the other kids soon.  As it stands now, KB is a total mystery from her possibly cybernetic eyewear to her home life, all you know about the kid is that she has more sensible head on her shoulders than the rest of them.  While it’s a challenge to talk about characters when I know so little, it’s telling that I want to know more, that I’m interested in them as characters and not just as mouthpieces that get us to the action sequences.

Speaking of, the action has been sparing in the two-part premiere (and the two episodes are definitely meant to be watched together, the first part is pure setup and world-building, with almost nothing going on before the impetus of the show reveals itself), but when it does come, it is very fun to watch.  And beyond that, everything about this world looks great.  Like I said, I was thrilled to finally be out of the desert, but I hadn’t realized how much I missed seeing aliens (non-humanoid, anyway, technically they’re all aliens to us earthlings, I guess) in the Star Wars world again.  The Mandalorian had a few outside of Lil’ Baby Grogs, but Andor was conspicuously light on non-human characters; though it could be said that the focus on the Empire was at least part of the cause of that, even The Acolyte only gave us a few non-human characters.  The world here is rich and vibrant and really feels like Star Wars.  And the decision to utilize, at least from what I can tell with the naked eye, a great deal of practical effects and puppetry instead of relying solely on CGI for this means that the show is visually deep and feels real when you look at it.  Of course there is CGI, but when you’re watching the show, it doesn’t feel like you’re watching someone writhing around in a black catsuit with a bunch of balls stuck to them.  Whether or not that’s actually the case, I don’t know for sure, but if it is, my eyes have been thoroughly deceived.

As the penny drops and the kids find themselves in very unfamiliar territory without a fully formed prefrontal cortex among the lot of them, they find themselves very quickly getting into trouble.  They end up at a pirate spaceport that is somewhat reminiscent of both Knowhere from Guardians of the Galaxy and Mos Eisley from A New Hope, without ever feeling like a carbon copy of either.  As children, they stand out quite a lot amongst the motley bunch of robbers and killers and are pretty lucky to not end up on the wrong end of a blaster.  In the midst of a few funny moments and some good action, we learn something about their home, At Attin.  See, it’s not just an overly structured society in which schoolchildren have to undergo career assessment testing that may determine the course of their lives, it’s also an extremely cut off planet.  So much so that its mere existence has become a thing of myth.  Whoops.  It’s like walking into a bar full of treasure hunters and casually dropping that you’re from the golden city of El Dorado and you’d very much like some help getting back there.  Those craving adventure may learn that they’ve bitten off more than they can chew.

While not everything works, the cast is starting to gel and I have high hopes that the fun of this show will continue.  I love when Star Wars gets deep and serious, but I think there’s room for all sorts of storytelling in Star Wars and I really believe it’s important not just to cater to fans from the 70s, 80s, and 90s, but also to new fans, to kids, the ones who will be introduced to the series by their parents who grew up watching the movies, perhaps after their parents introduced it to them.  Star Wars has to grow and change along with its fan base, but it doesn’t need to spoon-feed itself to the vocal few who believe that Star Wars should only be one narrow thing.  I love that there’s space for something like this and I’ve found myself waiting impatiently for the next episode. I really can’t wait to see where Skeleton Crew is headed—and much like its wayward characters, I think we’re in for some adventure along the way.  And who the hell doesn’t want to have an adventure?

Quiplash in Cameotown

I’ve been a fan of Ryan Reynolds since Two Guys and a Girl still had a pizza place in its title.  He does a lot of funny stuff, from his one episode in Scrubs to his star turn in Detective Pikachu.  And my, oh my, from the level of skepticism I had when Hugh Jackman was cast as Wolverine, what feels like fifty or sixty years ago, to the level of admiration I had for him by the end of Logan, he cast aside all my doubts and continued to give the best performances in the X-Men franchise, even outshining James McAvoy’s excellent Patrick Stewart (I mean Charles Xavier).  So I was pretty damn excited when I saw first that they were coming together for Deadpool & Wolverine.

And that was sort of where my excitement ended.  From minute one, it was clear that the best idea they could come up with was calling out their bad ideas and the dearth of creativity that plagues not just Marvel now, but so many blockbusters these days.  I get that Deadpool’s whole thing is that he’s the irreverent merc with a mouth who breaks the fourth wall, but the first note I wrote on the movie says “kind of over it at this point” and since I started the movie that way, I was really hoping that the situation would change.  But the trajectory was not one of improvement.  From the opening scene where Deadpool digs up Logan’s corpse where it was left after Logan (though I believe that movie took place in the future, still ahead of the current time) and uses it to kill a bunch of TVA agents (that is the Time Variance Authority, not the one in Tennessee) before he does a dance made for TikTok over the opening credits, I was sighing and rolling my eyes in a way I didn’t previously know possible.  I bet you didn’t think this movie, Deadpool’s first entry into the MCU, was going to be a Loki spin-off, but it is.  I guess with all the cameos, they decided to save budget by reusing sets (but not actors) from that show.  Of all the cameos that they stuffed into this movie, they couldn’t fly Ke Huy Quan in for an afternoon?  I mean, they brought back Toad and Pyro from the X-Men films, but you couldn’t get Ke?  I guess he was too busy, compared to slackers like Chris Evans and Channing Tatum.

Sure, it’s true that I wasn’t the biggest fan of the first two Deadpool movies; I thought they were good, but sometimes felt like they were written like a kid who spends their first night away from their parents and learns that they can say all the bad words they want.  It was just a bit forced at times, but they were good movies.  And at the center of those movies was the relationship between Wade and Vanessa; that was the thing that elevated them from schlock like Kick-Ass to actually good movies.  So, of course, the move here is to make Morena Baccarin’s Vanessa a cameo instead of a character and just have Reynolds throw so many jokes against the wall spaghetti-style that you don’t notice that the movie kind of has no story and the fights don’t mean anything.  Underscoring this lack of stakes is the movie’s music choices, laying over ironic popular songs over every battle to show off how funny and silly the movie is.  This is a movie that is trying really hard to convince it’s funny by constantly saying “See?  Look how funny that is!  I’m so funny!” and hoping you just go along with it.  The movie transitions to a job interview where Wade meets Happy Hogan (hey, I remember that guy!) and tries to become an Avenger.  Happy shows him the door and Wade decides to become a car salesman; a very bad one, despite the fact he really pushes minivans, especially the Honda Odyssey, for pretty much the entire movie.  It’s not just a one scene product placement; other than quips and the word “multiverse”, I swear he says “Honda Odyssey” more than anything else in the film.  I mean, the only way the writing in this movie could have been lazier is if they decided to do the cameos as Zoom calls and actually hired the actors on Cameo.  It would have undoubtedly been cheaper that way and maybe they could have afforded a coherent plot and to fly in Ke Huy Quan.  Really, as disappointing as this movie was, the biggest disappointment I had was that Ke wasn’t at the TVA after his epic performance in Loki Season 2.

I am very tired of multiverse stories.  I feel like we’ve forgotten that when DC Comics had to clean up its multiverse because it became far too unwieldy to handle, they had to have a huge event that they literally called a crisis to tie everything together and make the universe followable again.  And when the best you can do in a multiverse is give us a state where things are slightly different from the established universe, it really feels like you’re not doing much with your concept.  And, it also manages to take the stakes out of everything and make it so that character deaths and efforts and sacrifices are essentially meaningless because they’re not some singular person who steps up when needed to do the heroic acts the world needs of them—they’re one of an infinite number of mostly the same versions of themselves that can slot right in once this one dies.  I’ve never cared for the idea and it’s been done to death by the MCU and the Arrowverse, of all things, which was essentially forced into it because of network changes for Supergirl.  MCU’s multiverse jumped the shark in 2022 with Multiverse of Madness and it has not aged well at all.  I’d go as far as to say the only property that actually pulled off the multiverse story well was Loki, because that show had a beating heart at its center and excellent performances by Tom Hiddleston, Ke Huy Quan, Sofia Di Martino, Owen Wilson, and Wunmi Mosaku, the sole veteran of that series that makes an appearance in this movie.

Anyway, Wade is pulled into the TVA and told by a fellow who calls himself Mr. Paradox that he’s the chosen one to fix the sacred timeline or something and that his timeline is slated for destruction after Logan’s death, as he was the anchor being for that timeline and without him it can’t exist—so we’re going to have to really ignore how that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and just go with it, I guess.  I mean, unless the anchor being is born at the moment of the timeline and is immortal, wouldn’t mean that all timelines at some point don’t have an anchor being and should be slated deprecation?  Including the sacred timeline?  Well, I guess they don’t want us asking questions like that, and other questions like “Why was The Eternals so bad and if Paper Boi (Brian Tyree Henry’s Phastos, but to me he’s always Paper Boi) is the one who gave humans all the technology starting with things like the plow, what makes Iron Man so special?”.  But that’s another problem.  So, Wade decides to get a replacement Wolverine.  Cue the montage.  And yes, Deadpool actually says that.

See, the move here, the entire conceit of the movie, really, is that if you call out bad writing and uncreative decisions that it somehow becomes good writing and creative.  That’s right—if you write your movie like it’s its own Reddit comment section, people can’t complain on Reddit.  At least that’s the theory, it seems.  So much of this meta comedy is trying to mask the lack of originality and stakes and simultaneously call out and appease the Reddit mob.  It just doesn’t work; not for me, anyway.  You can’t call out bad choices while leaning into them and get a pass for it.  I mean, come on; they even made an “I identify as” joke like it’s 2014.  I get it, your view of comedy hasn’t changed in almost a decade, cool.  Just don’t expect me to be impressed by jokes I got tired of seeing on Twitter when my beard was still all black and I had hope for the future.  If your idea of a good time is quantity over quality with a maybe 5% hit rate, Deadpool & Wolverine has you covered.  But I don’t think you can quip your way to a satisfying movie just by doing it as much as you possibly can in its bloated runtime.  And I say bloated because even though something is happening all the time, halfway through the movie I still didn’t really know what it was about and I wasn’t even sure who the villain was.  At first I was sure it was Tom Wambsgans from the TVA, then I was sure it was Cassandra Nova (played by Emma Corrin, who was actually allowed to emote in this movie, unlike their role in A Murder at the End of the World, in which they were seemingly only permitted to look like a deer in headlights and chat flatly to an AI assistant), then I swapped between the two, then it was both, then it was neither, and I ended the movie still wondering what anyone’s plan or motivation was.  Still, it was pretty dope to see Matthew Macfayden.  I settled on the idea that I was the villain all along and, frankly, I was fine with that.  Because perhaps this movie is really as bad as I think it is or perhaps I’ve just outgrown it.  Maybe it’s a little of both, but I really do think that I could go back and watch the first two Deadpool movies and still enjoy them because there was something there, a kernel at the core from which a whole cornstalk could grow.  But here, there’s very little to hold on to.  And that very little rests completely on Hugh Jackman’s shoulders.

Yes, much like his time in the X-Men movies, Wolverine carries this film.  Jackman puts in an excellent, heartfelt performance as a character beloved by many and clearly one that means something to him.  It’s just a shame it’s in a movie meant to be memes and TikToks.  But hey, at least they made a movie specifically for cosplayers, I bet they’re stoked about the multiverse full of Deadpools.  I’m sure Comic Cons will have lots of excellent costumes on display and I can’t wait to see them.  Jackman absolutely brings it in a film that’s not worthy of his talents as he plays the “worst” Wolverine in the multiverse, but sad and angry is when Logan is at his best.  Let’s face it, Wolverine isn’t a beloved character because he’s a happy-go-lucky, relentlessly positive Ted Lasso-type.  He’s sad, he’s alone, he’s mean, but he’s got a heart and he does the right thing.  Which he does here.  The man can’t help but step up, not just in the story, but for this movie.  Because any scene where Logan wasn’t talking was absolutely boring. Even the fight scenes between effective immortals and/or legions of red shirts underpinned by silly music choices weren’t fun to watch because there were no stakes to any of them and after about the 30th cameo, you’re exhausted with how excited you’re supposed to be (although seeing Dafne Keen again and Channing Tatum as Gambit were actually delightful).  I was rolling my eyes so hard and so often I had to concentrate on not falling over.  For the most part, these super specific references for the terminally online bored me to tears.  Add to that a carbon copy of the Guardians of the Galaxy ending, the feeling of “Hey, I know that thing, I’ve seen that thing before” isn’t one of delight, it’s one of despair.  At the end of this, I just wanted to watch Loki and Logan again.  And the worst thing about a movie like Deadpool & Wolverine is that it could have been so good.  They just decided against it.

Seriously, couldn’t get this guy? Not even on Cameo?

Study Room Thanksgiving Special

I love Bob’s Burgers.  I tried it when it first started airing, but for some reason I bounced off it.  Then, years later, convinced by friends of mine, I gave it another try, and now, it’s become not just one of my favorite animated shows of all time, it’s surpassed Futurama as my top comfort show, and is one of my favorite shows full stop.  Barely a day goes by that I don’t watch at least one episode of Bob’s.  I shouldn’t be surprised, since it’s the creative marriage between the people behind Home Movies and King of the Hill, two more shows I love.  Bob’s does just about everything well, but more than perhaps any other show I’ve seen, it absolutely nails holiday episodes.  And since the nation is gathering around tables this Thursday (apologies to my Canadian readers, I’ll take care of you next October), I thought I’d celebrate the many excellent Bob’s Burgers Thanksgiving episodes by ranking them all by my preference for you, so you have an option to occupy the family when the forks are put down and that one uncle you really don’t like wants to start giving you life advice.  Let’s get into it.

11. Season 6, Episode 4: “Gayle Makin’ Bob Sled”

Gayle fans are probably going to hate me for placing this one at the bottom, and while I’m not a Gayle hater, Linda’s sister is at her neurotic peak here—whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing is sort of in the eye of the beholder.  But if you’re like me and you think Gayle is best in small doses, this episode where Bob ends up having to drag her in a kiddie pool down a snow covered street to get to Thanksgiving dinner, it’s a little too much Gayle.  But it’s not a bad episode—it ends strongly and is definitely a good watch.  Still, something has to be at the bottom of the list and this is it.

10. Season 4, Episode 5: “Turkey in a Can”

Gayle and her cats are over for Thanksgiving, and as Bob tries out a new three-day brine, the turkey ends up in the toilet overnight.  And then the cat box.  After his initial shock, he gets a replacement turkey, but the it also ends up in the toilet.  And so on and so forth.  While this episode ends sweetly as the mystery is revealed and the repeated visits to the grocer for replacements offer some hilarious scenes, this one is this far down the list for me because it’s just too gross for my tastes.  Between the raw turkey in the toilet, rolling around in the litter box, and then Linda being sick on it, it just hits on all the things I don’t personally enjoy.  The episode is not without its moments, but they’re not enough to push this one further up the list.

9. Season 10, Episode 8: “Now We’re Not Cooking With Gas”

We all know that Thanksgiving is Bob’s favorite holiday and he is over the moon to find out that he’s been selected to purchase a Riverbrook Lake Farms heritage turkey after 5 years on the waiting list.  I’m not much of a turkey guy myself (unless it’s smoked, then we’re talking), but I’ve had the kind of turkey he’s talking about, straight from a farm, never frozen, and it absolutely makes a difference.  For Bob’s favorite day of the year, a gas outage on the block and no other oven access drives him to Linda-levels of steamrolling, forcing the family into the alley to cook the bird on a makeshift fire pit.  As the embers start to fade and the fire department threatens to hose him down and fine him fairly heavily, Bob starts a relentless race against the clock to cook the turkey before he runs out of fuel or the fire department returns to shut down the party.  This pushes him to send the kids out for every possible flammable object and Louise’s pyromania goes on overdrive, which is usually fun to watch.  However, when they fail to bring back anything usable, it’s Tina’s sacrifice that makes Bob realizes he’s the one ruining the day for everyone.  While the ending is quite nice and Bob learns a lesson, another episode in this list drives it home a little better and with funnier subplots, so that earns this one a 9th place spot only.

8. Season 3, Episode 5: “An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal”

Bob’s first entry into the Thanksgiving special is a strong start to a lovely series of episodes.  Bob is left out when landlord and eccentric Calvin Fischoeder offers them 5 months of free rent if Bob cooks his Thanksgiving dinner—and the Belchers pretend to be his family so he can trick a woman who will only date married men into a relationship (the intended length of which I can only speculate).  But, as expected, things take a turn for the Belcher family and what results is a serious bit of madcap fun.  Also, Linda debuts her Thanksgiving song and it’s an earworm.  Not my favorite, but it’s catchy as hell.  I’m a huge fan of Fischoeder and his affection for Bob and this is a very funny episode; placing this one 8th isn’t a criticism of the episode so much as it is a testament to how good the Thanksgiving episodes of Bob’s have been.  That this first one has been bested—in my opinion, of course—several times over shows how good a Thanksgiving episode Bob’s is capable of.

7. Season 11, Episode 7: “Diarrhea of a Poopy Kid”

Okay, so you know I don’t like toilet humor by now and while Gene does spend this entire episode on the bathroom floor, it keeps the truly gross stuff off screen.  I know there’s a contingent of Bob’s fans that don’t like “story” episodes, but I love them, so this one earns the 7th spot.  As Gene is quarantined in the lav because of a stomach bug, Louise and Tina (and eventually Bob) decide to tell him stories through the door to comfort him as he’s missing the best food day of the year and Bob’s new experimental menu.  Gene asks for stories that make him hate food and the kids do their best to comply.  Louise tells the story of The Breadator, a parody of The Predator, where Gene is the hero who takes on an invisible alien hunter made of rosemary bread, one of Bob’s new dishes.  Tina tells the story Pear Force One, a spoof of Air Force One where President Gene and his wife, First Lady Mom (yeah, Gene’s Oedipus complex is on full show here), are hijacked by sentient pear terrorists who want to prove that pears are as good as apples.  And Bob tells Parmageddon, a story about deep sea marinara miners who have to save the Earth from a Texas-sized chicken parm from space.  A very sweet episode that offers a lot of laughs, it’s only not higher on this list because other episodes are just better.

6. Season 12, Episode 8: “Stuck in the Kitchen with You”

Similar in structure to “Now We’re Cooking”, Bob’s Thankzilla side rears its ugly head here as he steps in to serve Thanksgiving dinner to the residents of a retirement home when the cook goes into labor. But, where this outshines “Now We’re Cooking” is the direct confrontation that leads to Bob altering his behavior and strengthening his relationship with Louise (my favorite pairing in the show) and a lovely and funny B-plot where Zeke and the remaining Belcher kids rally together to entertain the senior citizens when a TV outage means they can’t watch the parade.  Even Linda has a great little subplot with Sergeant Bosco and his mother.  These things just take it up a level for me and make it a classic Thanksgiving episode.

5. Season 7, Episode 6: “The Quirk-Ducers”

Despite being given a half day on the day before Thanksgiving, school counselor Mr. Frond’s dreadful yearly Thanksgiving plays keep them there far too long and hamper the beginning of what should be a very long weekend for the kids.  So, Louise concocts a plan (this phrase shows up in my notes a lot) to adapt one of Tina’s “erotic friend fictions” into a musical that is so offensive that Frond himself shuts it down and sends the kids home.  You see, Tina got Mean Girl’d when Tammy calls her quirky and she takes it out on the page.  What comes next is a very sweet and genuine story about Tina learning to value her uniqueness in a time when conforming is the easiest path to peer acceptance, with one of the best songs in the long history of great songs in Bob’s.  I genuinely love this episode.

4. Season 13, Episode 8: “Putts-Giving”

This might be a controversial one, but I adore this episode.  Thanksgiving just happens to be the last day that a 50% off coupon for the local mini-golf course is valid and Louise convinces Bob to take the family there for a short trip before dinner is served.  The course has a yeti obstacle that is rather involved and Louise tries to get it to perform all its tricks at once—however, Tina abandons the effort because she wants to show Bob and Linda that she’s mature enough to go to an after-Thanksgiving party with high school boys in attendance.  What ensues is classic Louise chaos, however what really pushes this episode up the list for me is Louise’s motivation; sure, she wants to see the yeti do its crazy dance, but when it comes right down to it, she is reacting to fear.  Despite Louise’s tough exterior, the 9-year-old is afraid that her older sister is maturing beyond her and will never want to have fun with her and Gene again.  It’s a touching episode about growing up and what it means to mature and the sense of loss that comes with your older sibling outgrowing your interests as new things start to interest them in life; for Tina’s adolescent brain, that largely means boys (and their butts specifically) take priority over goofing off with her siblings.  As things go terribly wrong (another phrase often in my notes), Tina steps up and shows a real maturity and affection for her little brother and sister that is absolutely heartwarming.  An instant classic for me and it just misses out on the top 3 because of three even more excellent episodes.

3. Season 8, Episode 5: Thanks-Hoarding

As Bob plans his meticulous Thanksgiving, Teddy comes in hysterically needing help to host an unplanned Thanksgiving dinner for his mother, her boyfriend, his sister, and her husband.  Bob, being a reluctantly good friend, decides to take the family over and help out.  In the process of prepping and teaching Teddy how to reheat food in the oven (Teddy is overly nervous and unable to follow even the simplest instructions), Linda discovers a room full of junk that hides a dining table.  She figures that cleaning out the junk and preparing the dinner table would be a much better idea than Thanksgiving dinner around the coffee table in the living room, so she and kids start a purge of Teddy’s items.  But as it turns out, Teddy is seriously attached to his stuff and as the purging process goes on, Linda comes to the realization that Teddy holds on to these broken things in the hopes of fixing them as he once did his best to fix his parents’ marriage as a kid.  This is a kindhearted episode that speaks to Teddy’s backstory in a way that we haven’t seen it before.  We always knew that Teddy was a friendly, but ultimately lonely guy who was working through something, but this is one of the best glimpses we get into the damage around which his personality formed.  It is a sweet, sweet story that has lots of laughs along the way and really shows Bob’s at its best; a touching story mixed with laugh out loud comedy.  While it’s an unconventional Thanksgiving episode, it found its way into my heart in a way that only Teddy can.

2. Season 5, Episode 4: “Dawn of the Peck”

Bob’s is always great when it finds a new take on integrating horror into the comedy and its Halloween episodes are legendary, perhaps even more iconic to the series than its Thanksgiving and Christmas episodes, and this one straddles the line of that pure Halloween terror and Thanksgiving brilliance.  The family decides to go to Wonder Wharf (also owned by the Fischoeders) for their Turkey Trot, what Linda believes will be a cute version of the running of the bulls, and the kids are excited to go on the rides and spend a day at an amusement park rather than just sitting around watching TV while Bob cooks.  As a result, Bob decides to boycott Thanksgiving and spend the day alone at home, getting drunk and listening to music.  But as things tend to, they go horribly wrong once again, and the birds are all out of sorts and overly aggressive, resulting in a zombie-like stampede.  Linda is trampled and pulled to safety by Teddy, the Belcher kids, along with Regular Sized Rudy (my absolute favorite supporting character) and Andy and Ollie are stranded on the teacups.  Rudy is always a delight, the crazed turkeys encroach, Linda is frantically trying to get to them, and blissfully unaware, Bob talks to and for his turkey baster (one of Bob’s best quirks that we get insight into in another episode and a classic recurring gag) and, drunk and determined, decides to go get a turkey and make his family the Thanksgiving dinner he’s wanted to make all day.  As the turkeys (and other fowl) wreak havoc, Bob walks into a mess he is woefully unprepared for.  Where later episodes are much more emotionally involved, this one delivers laugh after laugh and leaves you with a big smile on your face.  “Dawn of the Peck” is one of my go to episodes, so good that it transcends the Thanksgiving episode moniker, becoming an any time episode.    

1. Season 9, Episode 7: “I Bob Your Pardon”

Linda’s obsession with the mayor sees the family heading to the town’s first ever turkey pardoning, but she’s distressed when she finds out there’s a bait and switch and the mayor isn’t there, only the deputy mayor.  Beyond all that, the kids overhear a phone conversation in which a mayor’s aide lets slip that the pardoning is a big sham and the turkey, Drew P. Neck, is on his way to a slaughterhouse.  Louise has an excellent arc in this episode as she goes from hating turkeys to convincing Bob to go on a quest to save the turkey, enticed by the thought of adventure, and then pushes her limits to protect Drew P. Neck.  They follow the aide, kidnap the turkey, and try to find a safe place for him to live out his days naturally.  There’s a great callback here to one of my favorite episodes, “Stand By Gene” as they hurdle obstacles on the way to sanctuary.  This episode also has one of my favorite line deliveries by Tina, as she, after-school-special-style, yells “I mean what, we’re going to start lying to turkeys now?  YOU THINK THAT’S PRETTY COOL DAD!?”  I don’t know why that line tickles me the way it does, but I can’t help but laugh at it every time.  This is an episode that delivers on every level—it’s as funny as it is emotionally satisfying, and every little gag and through-line just works.  Even the argument that runs through the episode about fresh cranberry sauce versus canned (which is utterly pointless, since cranberry sauce sucks in any form) offers multiple laughs as it comes up throughout.  While the idea of saving the turkey is Tina’s, in this episode where every character delivers, Louise, as usual, overdelivers and stands out above the rest.  Just a completely brilliant episode that works on every level, it’s my favorite Thanksgiving episode and one of my favorites in the series overall.    

So there you have it.  If you’re not already a fan of Bob’s Burgers, I hope this ranking convinces you to give the show a try (the entire series is streaming on Hulu at the time of writing) and if you are a fan, I hope you enjoyed my look at each of the show’s excellent Thanksgiving episodes.  There really isn’t a stinker in the bunch; each one has its merits.  Thank you for reading this very long bonus post and have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!  Save me a piece of pumpkin pie, will you?

The Penguin with the Mad, Bad Scar

You can put away the shovels; there’s no digging necessary, the lede will not be buried.  The Penguin is one of the best shows HBO (and streaming on Max) has made in years and definitely the best show they’ve made since Succession ended.  If you’re looking to fill a Logan Roy-shaped hole or you’re wondering why House of the Dragon isn’t satisfying your need for Game of Thrones content and you’re hoping to find what will, look no further than The Penguin.  You can stop searching for a replacement for prime GOT, you can stop waiting for the next Succession-level show, you can even stop reading right here (but don’t, please).  The Penguin is simply that good.  Is it as good as Succession?  No, I don’t think so.  Not quite.  Is it better than Game of Thrones when you look at the entire series as a whole?  Absolutely.

If you don’t know the Penguin as a character, he’s Oswald Cobblepot, a deformed Gotham City criminal with delusions of standing; he lives in a sewer, drives a distinct limousine, eats live fish, and has a crazy array of trick umbrellas that have more gadgets than a Swiss Army knife—everything but the carousel reversal spray—but this time, he’s a bit different.  He goes simply by Oz to those who know him well and the last name is shortened to Cobb.  And while he doesn’t live in the sewers, he certainly has permanent residency in the Gotham underworld.  Gone are the tux and tails, gone is the limousine, gone is the living sushi.  Replacing them is a series of clothes normal people wear, a purple Maserati with gold wheels that’s so ugly it looks like something that even Jared Leto’s Joker would reject and was left on a dealer lot gathering dust, and, you know, cooked food.  Oz’s nickname—the Penguin—is a sore spot, born from his distinctive waddle due to a deformed leg.  Colin Farrell picks up the role from the conclusion of Matt Reeves’s The Batman, as Gotham reels from tragedy that changes the city forever.

But The Penguin isn’t interested in Batman.  As much as he remains a looming specter over the city, The Penguin can stand on its own as a story and doesn’t rely on name dropping constantly like HotD. Rather, the show is interested in telling its own story, getting deep into the seedy underbelly of their fair city, telling Oz’s tale as a man who gambles more than Oceans 11, 12, and 13 combined and shucks and jives more than the Duke boys.  He’s always looking for an angle, doing his best to walk into very dangerous rooms and walk out somehow still alive.  I promise you, no big top has ever had a more precarious tightrope act, nor one nearly this impressive.  Farrell completely disappears into the role of Oz Cobb, thanks in part to his extremely convincing make-up job, but also his performance.  If you remember Farrell solely from his early 00s heartthrob roles, it may come as a surprise, but his acting ability has always been there.  In Bruges and, more recently, The Banshees of Inisherin cemented him as a great actor in my mind (and yes, even Fright Night); hell, even in the terrible second season of True Detective, his performance was possibly the only redeeming quality.  Farrell is on top of his game here.  And the best part is that he’s not alone.

To call The Penguin a star turn for Cristin Milioti is to understate how much she should be a household name already.  If you only know her as the mother who got in the way of Ted and Robin in the awful How I Met Your Mother, you have been sleeping on one of the most talented actresses to grace the silver screen in years.  After her role in Fargo season two, I watched and waited for her to get her due and start to pop up everywhere.  Yes, she did the wonderful Groundhog Day-like Palm Springs that released during the pandemic and her episode of Mythic Quest was the best in the entire series, but that didn’t do as much to make her stock rise as it should have.  I’m hoping that’s not the case with The Penguin, because Milioti deserves all the praise I can heap on her and more.  Here, she plays Sofia Falcone, daughter of the recently deceased mob boss Carmine Falcone, released from Arkham Asylum after 10 years of incarceration.  And if you know anything about Batman lore, even if you go into Arkham sane, that much time there leaves indelible marks on mind and body.  Her performance as Sofia Falcone manages to outshine even Farrell’s as she navigates life on the outside in a family hostile to her and a city even more hostile, where she’s known as a serial killer called The Hangman.  I can’t go much into the details of her character arc because that would rob you of the true delight of watching her masterclass, but trust me when I say that whenever she is on screen, she will command your attention like little else in television does today.

And rounding out these powerhouse performances is a young actor I’ve never seen before, but, again, to tell you more about him, even naming the character here would take something from the experience for you, and you deserve to be as delightfully surprised and as on the edge of your seat as I was.  Suffice it to say, there’s no one in this show that doesn’t deliver.  Even the casting change from Jon Turturro to Mark Strong for Carmine Falcone (in flashbacks, obviously) works out just fine.  It’s a top notch cast working with a top notch script and great directors.  You’re in for a true treat.

Everything about this show is satisfying.  Every single little thread that is started is woven in and comes to an excellent conclusion; nothing is simple, nothing is convenient, nothing is unearned.  Everything about The Penguin is expertly crafted.  From wardrobe to cinematography to each and every line, this is peak television.  So many times, a scene would start one way and I thought I knew how it was going to end—just a side effect of consuming and studying media as much as I do—but then I would be delighted that it didn’t play out the way I thought it would.  More than just subverting expectations for the shock value, The Penguin puts together coherent and original storytelling where not everything goes to plan.  As Oswald Cobb does his best to say the things that need to be said to save his skin, the show manifests itself as a true accomplishment in a time when I feared that originality is only met with cancellation and the collective shrugging as we head off to the next by-the-numbers superhero movie or derivative procedural.  Yes, The Penguin is part of a huge IP, but it doesn’t need to be to work.   

Perhaps the most surprising and enjoyable part of this show is the incredible depth of storytelling.  This isn’t just a criminal story, it isn’t just Succession with guns, it’s a truly deep and rewarding narrative that will have you feeling things that you never expected to feel when watching a show about a character that was once fed a fish by Michelle Pfeiffer like a dolphin in a tank.  I’ve often said that villain-centric stories don’t interest me because villains are only interesting as foils for their heroes.  A great villain is nothing without a great hero with whom to battle.  Without a protagonist to root for, a villain story is just, well, a lone idiot dancing on a staircase to a song written by a child predator.  But even though the protagonist here is a villain, even though he is perhaps the monster people think he is, there are far worse in Gotham.  And the show doesn’t shy away from the things that make a villain, that build them, that turn normal people into those wrongdoers they eventually become; much like every good iteration of Batman has, including the venerable Batman: The Animated Series.  Nothing happens in a vacuum and The Penguin is keen to show you that.  While we’re all trying to battle not with monsters lest we become one, Oz’s battle is not just with the mobs and gangs of Gotham City, but with the city itself; with a broken system that allows people—all once innocent children at some point in their lives, just like Oswald was—to go down a path where crime and criminality are not only the sole option, but also aspirational.  It is through violence that those with no options find a way to make something of themselves, to be loved, to be adored, to snuff out their humanity and replace it with material success and power.  And in telling this story, The Penguin does what Joker utterly failed to do—present a compelling story with human characters who are at the mercy of an unforgiving world and respond in the only way they know how.  The Penguin is quite simply a must watch.